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Nobody goes through life unscathed. Everybody has an experience with a person or a situation that left a permanent scar on them. And whenever they are reminded of these situations, the loneliness, sadness, or pain associated with that memory always comes back regardless of the time that has passed. So, is there a way to move away from things that have hurt us in the past in a way that they have a less emotional load on us? If yes, how to let go of the past and be happy by healing ourselves from past pain?
Our past doesn't fail us, but we fail ourselves by being stuck in it. - Akram Ali
I was once broken and hurt, struggling daily to move on in life, but I was unable to do so. And when I dug deeper, I realized I couldn’t let go of the past. I knew very well that yesterday was my past, and I needed to leave it behind. But even with this life wisdom, I failed miserably.
A lot of people are getting into that space. They do not realize they need to learn lessons from their past but not live in it. If you live in it, you will keep living in it. It is an endless loop that needs to be broken because it has the power to consume you completely.
If you focus on the past, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lessons, you will continue to grow. - Akram Ali
Coming back to my story, I continued to live in history and was obsessed with my past for years. Nothing mattered to me more than my past mistakes, circumstances, and misfortunes. I was bleeding. I was resentful and unhappy. So, how did I unchain myself from the shadows of my past and recreated my life story?
The things I did to break this loop was not easy, but it was totally worth it. Now I am not a prisoner of my past. I don’t let my past dictate my present and demolish my future.
So were there things I did differently? No! As they say, winners do not do different things; they do things differently. And it is what I exactly did. I refused the same old monotony of living in my past and took conscious steps to work towards my future. It was all about convincing my mind and nothing else. All I did was take a few smaller yet effective measures to reclaim my life back!
Let me ask you one thing: have you ever thought of why you cannot let go of someone you love? The reason is that you are not aware of the fact that holding onto memories is a conscious choice, just like the act of letting go. For your records, I want to tell you that not everyone is a prisoner of their past. Some people are successful in navigating their past and finding solace. And I am sure you can be part of this lot too.
As you move forward in this article, you will unravel the reasons you are not able to move on and find out how to let go of the past and move on happily.
Why it is hard to let go of the past?
Before you work towards letting go of your past and being happy, you should enlighten yourself on why you are not able to let go of the past. Even when you know that holding onto the past is not worth it and is limiting your ability to be effective in your present, you still cannot command your mind to do so; why?
If we get to the core of it, we will find the real reason for not being able to let of the past and move on. One such reason is your resistance to change. People find it hard to let go of the past because they do not want to change. People despise changes in life as change represents uncertainty and ambiguity.
The process of letting go of the past has its own repercussions. One such repercussion is the feeling of dumping a part of yourself that belongs to you. Your past plays an important role in your life to the point it defines who you are today and becomes an integral part of your present life. When you start to convince yourselves to let it go, you feel that you will not be the same person as before. And it is the root cause of your resistance to change. And it is precisely why people find it hard to let go of the past and be happy.
To challenge the status quo and bring about a change, you need to venture out of your comfort zone. But it can be a frightening and unsettling thought. It requires a lot of emotional energy to convince yourself to leave the past behind and embrace the future.
Letting go of the past can be challenging for several other reasons:
- Emotional attachment: We often have emotional attachments to people, things, or events in our past that we find hard to let go of. These emotional attachments can create a sense of comfort and familiarity, which can make it difficult to move on.
- Fear of the unknown: Letting go of the past can mean stepping into the unknown, which can be scary. We may fear the uncertainty of the future and the possibility of making mistakes or encountering challenges.
- Regret and guilt: We may regret past actions or decisions or feel guilty about things that have happened in the past. This can make it hard to let go and move on.
- Sense of identity: Our past experiences and relationships shape who we are, and letting go of them can feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves.
- Nostalgia: We may romanticize the past and long for what we perceive as simpler or happier times. This can make it challenging to let go of those memories and move on.
Overall, letting go of the past can be difficult because it involves changing our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. It requires us to confront our emotions, fears, and regrets and move forward with a sense of acceptance and resilience.
Here are a few suggestions you can consider implementing in your life when you find yourself stuck in your life. I promise the suggestions I am giving below will be thought-provoking, insightful, and liberating too! They will help you unshackle yourself from the pain of yesterday and ultimately lead the happiness to seep in.
Also, if you want to find out if you are stuck in the past or not, take this quiz.
How to let go of the past and be happy?
1. Understand that not all things happen your way
Not everything happens in your life your way. Not everything happens in my life my way. Very few things happen in my life my way. In fact, only ten percent of the activities happen your way, and the rest, ninety percent, don’t happen your way. It may freak you out. But it is the reality, whether you accept it or not.
Most of you who have made it to this point are likely the ones who have yet to accept this fact. They are still stuck in the past, obsessing over it and craving to go back and change it. But it will never happen. Come whatsoever may!
You know that your only problem with life is that you want to control your life and everything in it. You obsess with things that didn’t happen the way you wanted them to happen and things that are not happening in your life the way you want them to happen. But you are very good at ignoring things or not being mindful of the things that happened your way. Stop doing that. Be grateful for things that are happening your way, and stop obsessing over the things that didn’t happen your way.
You need to understand that if things are not happening your way, they are happening somebody else’s way, and at least that somebody is happy. Your loss was their win, and your win will be their loss. And it is a cycle that will alternate or repeat and hold till eternity.
So, when you look back, you should be glad that things happened in your best interest, even when those things were not the ones that you wanted initially. You may still be too clouded to see the truth, but once the dust settles, it all will become clear. It may take a few years to realize that. But once you realize this, it can be enlightening. At least I took a long time to decipher this wisdom. And now, I am glad a lot of things that I wanted didn’t happen when I look back.
Whatever happens in life happens for good. So accept it and move on.
It doesn’t mean that all of the things that went on in my life in my past, I am glad, happened. If given a chance, I would still go back and correct them. But I know that it will never happen. So, I have stopped obsessing over my past. Instead, I have gracefully accepted the past, embraced it, and learned from my past mistakes. It is the least I could do to let go of the past and be happy in my life.
2. Focus on how profound and exhibiting your experience is
What matters to me is how profound and exhibiting my experience of life is. It is not real life when everything happens your way. In fact, life is not when it happens your way. And your way is what you believe is true based on your experiences, wants, and beliefs. It is what you call your way. But do we know the entire spectrum of things happening in life? We don’t understand life, the universe, nature, and the plan God has for us. Whatever we know is very little like an iota of what life actually is.
From this little knowledge and belief, do you expect that things should have happened your way? I believe you must be glad that something you didn’t know and expected happened. It means life is happening to you. You should not fret over things not happening your way. You should focus on finding meaning in your life based on your past experiences by learning from them and evolving.
So rather than being stuck in the past and tormenting yourself, you should approach your past from a different perspective- a perspective that is more liberating and enlightening. A perspective that makes you take pride in how challenging your past was and how resilient it made you. Ultimately, you will realize how profound and exhibiting your experience was, and you will start healing. You will eventually learn to leave your past behind and move forward in life.
And It is true for all of us alike!
Our past fails us only once. But we choose to fail ourselves repeatedly by being stuck in it. -Akram Ali
3. Learn to fight or get crushed
There are only two types of people in life- those who fight and those who get crushed. And similarly, there are only two ways in which life operates. One in which you learn to ride the waves and prepare yourself for the larger wave. Or you do not learn how to ride the waves and get crushed by them.
So, is there something wrong with the waves? No! there is nothing wrong with the waves. There is nothing wrong with life. Life is as happening as it always was. It is how life is- rough and challenging!
The problem is you are not making yourself fit for life and are hiding behind your past. And it is what exactly is happening. So ask yourself, are you fit for life or not? And if you are not, then why are you not making yourself fit for life?
There are only two options. You can choose to remain stuck in the past, be defined by your past circumstances, and fade away. Or you can choose to liberate yourself from the shackles of your past by fighting back.
But the first fight you have is with yourself, and it is perhaps the most challenging one. You have to convince yourself to change, reinvent and recreate. And to do so, you have to learn to embrace the positive aspects of life and find reasons to stay happy. As they say, happiness is a choice; you have to choose happiness every day.
Resistance to change is your biggest enemy when it comes to letting go of the past and being happy! And when you navigate past this, you start to break the loop. Eventually, you learn to unchain yourself from your past.
4. Approach your past with a solution mindset and not the problem mindset
I have seen many people coming up to me and telling me that I can’t work with these people. They are horrible. But if you are in quest of finding horrible, you can find horrible in everybody and every situation. On the contrary, if you think what you are doing is significant, you can learn how to work your way with those horrible people. But if you think you deserve the best and expect to work with ideal people, there is no such world on earth- you must go to heaven today!
You should not produce a list of things about what was wrong in your past but produce a list of working solutions and create a forward moment in life. If you invest in your problems, you will see everything in this life as a problem. Trust me; it is how life operates. Think about one person in your life who is not a problem. If you encounter them the wrong way, they are the problem. Isn’t it?
It is your skill to approach life with a solution mindset and not a problem mindset. So, stop approaching life from the problem end, as it will lead to endless problems in your life because everybody is capable of creating trouble. Have you found one person who is not troubled if you have touched them the wrong way? If you touch a trouble spot, everyone can be a problem. Right? Therefore, you have to learn how to touch the solution part of them and not the problem part of them. And this goes with people, situations, and every aspect of life.
So if you want to let go of the past and stay happy, revisit your life and your past with a solution mindset and not a problem mindset.
5. Get out of the victim mindset
You are either a victim or a survivor. So which one are you? I am a survivor, as I do not relate to or understand the victim’s mindset. I underwent trauma as you did, but I came out victorious.
It all boils down to your mindset. So choose the right mindset and feed the right thoughts to your mind. Stop expecting an apology from others and drop the resentment. It is in your best interest to forget, forgive and move on not for others but for yourself.
Last but not least, focus on your present and thrive on building a beautiful future. There is no better way to live!
Letting go of the past can be a challenging process, but it’s possible.
To conclude, here are some steps you can take to help you let go of the past and find happiness in the present:
- Accept the past: Acknowledge that the past is over and cannot be changed. Accepting what happened is an essential first step in moving on.
- Learn from the past: Take time to reflect on what happened and what you can learn from it. Look for the lessons and apply them to your current and future situations.
- Forgive yourself and others: Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for releasing the negative emotions associated with the past. It doesn’t mean you forget what happened, but it means you’re willing to let go of the anger and resentment.
- Focus on the present: Live in the moment and focus on what you can control. Set goals and work towards them, whether it’s a personal or professional goal.
- Surround yourself with positivity: Spend time with people who bring out the best in you and who support you. Focus on positive experiences and activities that make you happy.
- Seek professional help: If you find yourself struggling to let go of the past or experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you work through your emotions and provide you with strategies for moving forward.
Remember, letting go of the past is a process that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. With time and effort, you can find happiness and fulfillment in the present.
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