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They say, “Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.” Yes, men and women are wired differently. But emotions are universal. So, is it okay for men to cry? I would say it is okay for men to cry!
“Crying doesn’t mean that the person is weak, but it means that the person has a heart.”
There are different expectations from men and women regarding how they process emotions. Women are considered emotional and sensitive. It is socially acceptable for them to express their feelings of sadness, vulnerability, and fear. But the rules are different when it comes to men.
Men are seen as strong, stoic, and fearless and, therefore, are not encouraged to be socially expressive and emotionally vulnerable! But why such a disparity? Emotions are universal, regardless of gender.
So is it okay for men to cry?
Yes, emotions have no gender. Real men cry too.
"Real men cry too, and that's not a sign of their weakness, but of being a real human with real feelings and emotions."
Boys are supposed to suppress their emotions because, as they say, it’s girlish to cry. But gradually, boys start to negate their feelings. When boys suppress their feelings, they portray to the outer world that they are resilient and stoic, regardless of the turmoil they are witnessing within. Just because men are told to suppress their emotions and hide them, doesn’t mean they don’t have them. And not expressing sadness due to societal limitations doesn’t mean men don’t experience any sadness at all.
“Men are as emotional as women. It’s just that they hide it better.”
Research validates that men experience emotions with the same intensity as women, but how they express their feelings and process them differs. Women are expressive and can seek sympathy or freely expose their emotional side to their family and friends. At the same time, if a man does so, he can be questioned about his manliness.
But why?
Why do men hide their emotions?
We were raised in a society where it is taboo for men to cry and be emotional in public. Crying is a strict no-no for men; if you have to cry, no one should even know about it. So, men imbibe this long-existent unsaid rule and pass it on to their generations.
They assimilate this behaviour as a result of bullying or in subtle ways through society, the elderly, teachers, and the media, all hinting towards only one thing: real men don’t cry!
Various reasons men don’t cry in public and hide their emotions are:
- Childhood conditioning.
- Societal norms and cultural veils.
- To come across as a strong and dominant male and assert their masculinity.
- To gain respect by being rational and not emotional.
- To avoid any unwanted repercussions.
- To be a hero and a role model to other people.
- To avoid being judged by others.
- To come across as stoic and resilient.
What are the consequences of emotional avoidance on men?
Do you know that suppressing your feelings can be harmful? It can cause severe mental health issues in men, such as depression, anxiety, and even loneliness. But for men, in particular, it can also increase their risk of suicide. According to the data, men are much more likely to commit suicide than women.
Emotional avoidance in men can also lead to undesirable behaviours. When men feel emotions and can’t vent them, they are prone to channeling them into something destructive. As a matter of fact, men who experience sadness or grief are more likely to funnel those emotions into behaviours that are acceptable socially but destructive personally. For example, a man suffering from depression and sadness is more likely to get aggressive and angry over minor things than to cry.
When men are told to suppress and conceal their emotions at all costs, those feelings have to go somewhere. And they compensate for it by acting in ways that are considered masculine. And it all leads to what is called “toxic masculinity,” which can be hard to break once it becomes a habit.
So what is happening here?
Emotions related to strength, aggression, and dominance are characterized as masculine even when the underlying emotions fueling such behaviours are considered feminine. Don’t you think it’s a dichotomy? Don’t you think there is a duality that all men face?
Why don’t you ask yourself what the cost of this duality is?
The answer is compromised health, fake aggression, and toxic masculinity!
We must accept that men are not emotionless and deserve to express themselves freely. If not for anyone else, for their own well-being.
Indeed, it is okay for men to cry!
Why is it okay for men to cry?
So, why is it okay for men to cry? Why should men express and show their sensitive sides?
It is perfectly okay for men to cry for various reasons, such as:
- Emotions are universal and have no gender of their own. Emotions are normal human feelings, and it is okay to express natural emotions.
- It is society that made these rules and not nature. Society wants men to conceal their emotions and wear emotional makeup. But isn’t it unmanly to wear makeup? After all, real men are the ones who embrace their true selves without any pretence. Indeed, hypocrisy is unmanly and not your honesty.
- Emotions need ventilation. Suppressing them can lead to deviant behaviours like toxic masculinity, aggression, and anger. It is detrimental not only to men but to their partners as well.
- Suppression of emotions can lead to mental health issues in men, such as loneliness, sadness, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. So, it is only logical to choose your mental health over fake societal norms.
- When you suppress your emotions, you are not true to yourself. Also, you ignore a beautiful relationship that you have with yourself. So, instead of pleasing others, you need to please the most important person in your life: you.
- If you are emotionally unhappy and aggressive, how can you expect to be emotionally available to the people you love? To give, you must heal yourself first.
- Expressing your emotions can help you process them in ways that can be healing and liberating. So, express yourself without thinking much.
- When you express your emotions, share your vulnerabilities and even cry in front of others, you accept that you are not perfect. This realization can make you more self-aware of your limitations and eventually help you evolve as a person.
- When you express your emotions, you can process them more healthily and open new possibilities for yourself. And it all makes you stronger from within rather than only making you appear stronger.
- Last but not least, expressing your emotions and sharing the emotional load can free you of your burden and pave the way for ever-lasting peace and happiness.
People out there may reward you for not crying by honouring you with words such as strong, stoic, and resilient. And it helps you reinforce this behaviour. But at what expense? You bypass your natural expression and overlook your relationship with yourself. You risk your mental health just to prove you are a man. And you wear aggression and anger to conceal your true emotions.
Is it any way less than wearing makeup as women do? Is it not feminine to wear makeup? Though it is not anymore, and so is not expressing your emotions.
So, it is time to look beyond cultural veils and be yourself. What matters most is that you stay true to yourself before anything else. What matters is that you are emotionally and mentally healthy. What matters is that you are happy. What matters is that you are a healthy human before you are a man or a woman.
Trust me, behind those tears and vulnerable emotions, you can find the greatest discoveries of healing and self-awareness.
And when you express yourself freely without fear of judgment, you let go of the fake aggression and anger. It helps you rediscover your softer self: a version of you who is still innocent and sensitive, yet more evolved, who is, apparently, less manly but strong.
So, you should choose which version of the man you want to be. The choice is yours. Make the right one.
So how can men freely express their emotions?
We now know that it is okay for men to cry and freely express their emotions. But how can they do it? Here are a few things you can do.
1. Be honest about your feelings
If you want to loosen up, you need to be honest with yourself and how you feel. Very often, men feel sadness or grief but quickly shut themselves out. But to open up to your emotions, you must accept them and feel them as they are. When you do so, be mindful of why you feel that way and then express yourself in ways you feel are right.
2. Find people who don’t judge you
You can’t express your emotions and be vulnerable in front of everyone. In fact, you should share your feelings with people who are your support system and love you for who you are. You can be honest, vulnerable, and emotional in front of such people. There is no shame or weakness in expressing your emotions or crying in front of others. It’s all about those moments in life that can practically strike anyone at any time. Freely sharing and expressing your emotions is the most courageous thing you can do. And in the end, it will liberate you of all the burdens you are carrying within and make you stronger than ever. It can actually be empowering.
3. Find therapeutic hobbies
So is it okay for men to cry and express their emotions? Yes, it is! But if you find hobbies that allow you to reflect on your feelings is one the greatest ways to tap into your deep-rooted emotions.
For example, suppose you suffer from depression, anxiety, or loneliness. In that case, you can be a proud pet parent and walk them out daily. It will eventually help you feel better. One man founded Dudes and Dogs, a pet cafe where men with dogs can bond over pets and talk about mental health.
You can also take up other therapeutic activities such as gardening, cooking, art, music, and even dancing. When you take up activities that you long for, you start to express and vent your grievances in healthy ways.
4. Seek professional help
Social stigma makes men less likely to seek professional help than women. But seeing a therapist can help men learn to be open about their feelings. Therapy can be a safe space for men to cry and be vulnerable sans any judgments. It can help them learn how to feel their emotions and deal with them more healthily and helpfully.
Always remember, don’t ever feel alone. Reach out to people who care for you and with whom you can be yourself.
Yes, it is okay for men to cry.
It is okay to not be perfect.
It is okay to have bad days.
It is okay to be emotional.
It is okay to be vulnerable.
It is perfectly okay to show human emotions.
So, man up!!
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