Learn To Say No Without Feeling Guilty-It’s Your Right!

There are often situations in life when we want to say no but end up saying yes. And it happens again and again till it becomes a custom, right? While saying yes is good sometimes, it can easily become a habit. And once it becomes a practice, it can become lethal to your own mental health. When we say no, we often think: “why do I feel guilty when I say no?” Yes, guilt is the biggest barrier between you and your will (to say no). We often wonder how to say no without feeling guilty. But if you learn to say no without explaining yourself, you will make your life more peaceful, happy and meaningful. Learning to say no can become your gateway to empowerment and having more control over your life. Eventually, learning to say no, will help you pull your own strings and prioritise your happiness over anything else. So stop saying yes when you want to say no. After all, you have the right to say no without feeling guilty!

"It's only by saying "No", that you can concentrate on the things that are really important"  ~ Steve Jobs

Why is it so difficult to say the word “No”? It’s just a word, right? It is not as simple as it seems. Saying ‘No’ is one of the most difficult things that you may face. But trust me, once you learn to say No, your life is sorted.

I used to wonder how to say no without feeling guilty until I realized it’s not worth it to say yes when I don’t want to. I learned how to say no a few years back and realized it has made my life much simpler, more meaningful, and more peaceful. Now, I have more time to focus on important issues and on people who really matter. And an inadvertent outcome is that I am now better at prioritizing my work. Of course, this means fewer friends. But this also means more time for my family, myself, my hobbies and interests, and the people who actually matter. And the bonus is having less pressure in life to meet people’s expectations while living your life for yourself first before anyone else.

Recommended Read: Stop Putting Others First! Reasons Why Putting Yourself Before Others is not Selfish!

Why do you find it difficult to say ‘No’ and feel guilty about it?

Why do people find it difficult to say no and feel guilty about it? There a various reasons why people find it difficult to say no such as: 

• Our culture has given us memes and rituals that help us avoid uttering that dreaded word. We were raised to believe that we should always help our families, friends and neighbours come whatever may. And saying no was always frowned upon and considered impolite and inappropriate. 
• The idea of turning down a request is seen as politically incorrect and may hint at selfishness. And therefore, to avoid being called as selfish we avoid saying no. 
• Saying no is also perceived as a sign of weakness either in your own mind or by others.
• Saying no is also seen as an act of letting down other people. 
• There is a notion of fear associated when you say no, that you are someone difficult to get along with and someone who does not play well with others.
• Saying does not come naturally to you, because you are a people pleaser or a yes man. 
• Saying yes is considered more positive than saying no. And it is natural to choose positive things over negative ones. When we say yes, it brings us some respite and brings positivity in life. 
• Saying no is considered an aberration. So, people choose to go with the herd mentality of always saying yes. They do not want to be an outlier by taking a different stand from others. And saying ‘yes’ is what everyone is doing either at the workplace or in their personal lives. 
• Sometimes people want to return a favour, and saying yes seems like a good thing to do so.
• Many times people want to prove their worth, and hence they can’t say no. For example, people who suffer from poor self-esteem or feel insecure in their jobs are more inclined to say yes. And if the circumstances were different or they felt better, they would have taken a different stand by saying no. 

Now you understand the probable reasons that make it difficult to say no and even feel guilty about it. So you should determine what reasons are applicable in your case. You should then work towards breaking those barriers and self-limiting beliefs to unchain yourself. 

Learning where these beliefs have come from is the best way of knowing how to say no without guilt and a great way to learn to let go of them. If we understand why it is difficult to say no, we can easily learn, how to say no! 

Also, see ‘learn to say no infographics’

Why you should learn to say no?

Learning to say no is the best gift you can give yourself. When you learn to say no, it empowers you to build a more meaningful relationship with yourself, connect to your inner self, make you self-aware and help you stay true to yourself. And these things set the tone for all the relationships you form with other people. So, when you learn to say no, you give yourself much needed time, honour your needs and liberate yourself from unnecessary formalities. And it, in turn, form more meaningful relationships with others by setting boundaries that others will respect and gives others clarity about what they can expect from you. 

Other reasons why you should learn to say no are:

1. Saying no doesn’t mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind

When you say no, it doesn’t mean that you are selfish or unkind. In fact, when you always say yes and find it difficult to say no, you are showing unkindness to yourself. When you say no, you are prioritizing your family and needs first, and it is certainly not a selfish act. Some people may find it rude when you say no to them. But if you explain your situation and express an inability to process their request, they should understand your reasons. Therefore, it is not rude to say no. In fact, you know what is right and wrong and what you can do and what you can’t.

2. Saying no reflects that you know your value

When you learn to say no, you understand that you are valuable, and it is your right to choose your opinion about yourself over others. I realised that if you live your life based on other people’s opinions, you will never feel free and happy. It is not worth it. In fact, there is no limit to expectations, and whatever you do, people will still be dissatisfied. Therefore, we should value ourselves and understand that no one else in this world can offer us what we can to ourselves.

3. Saying ‘No’ is really worth it!

Ask yourself, if saying yes is really worth it? What if you commit to something that you never wanted to sign up for, to begin with? It will make your situation tougher to handle. Saying no the very first time saves a lot of disappointment and displeasure in relationships. So, even after committing to something, if you are still in doubt and begin to think of ways to get out of it, you are in trouble!

I remember once my manager called me to check if I was available for the coming weekend shift. As usual, I said yes. I did not want to, but I could not say no. I knew I had plans for the weekend with my friends and family. And I was looking forward to it since Monday. Soon I started feeling terrible about saying yes and wished that I just had the guts to say no upfront. I immediately called my manager with the best excuse I could come up with and was denied finally. But was it all worth it? Why create a situation that will put you in a dilemma later on? Is it really worth saying yes when you do not want to? We all have a choice for saying no, and we should not be afraid to do so. The lesson is to say no upfront rather than lying later.

Also Read: How to reclaim happiness in life and at the workplace?

Benefits of saying ‘No’

When you learn to say no, here is what you get:

1. More positive energy

You will have the luxury of having quality me-time and connecting with yourself. It means you can focus on your well-being and have more time for introspection, reflection, and self-improvement. As a result, you can channelise your energy in the right direction. It will help you focus on the right issues, for the right people and at the right time. It will eventually lead to more meaningful, harmonious and synergetic life interactions and eternal happiness. 

2. More time

There are only 24 hours in a day. But from now on, most of the time will be at your disposal. Saying no will give you ample time for being at ease and help declutter your mind leading to overall well-being.

3. More confidence

Saying no to others also means saying yes to yourself. It is what I call a back-handed I love you to the most important person in your life, and that is you. Therefore, love yourself first before you love others, and it will make you more confident and self-assured. 

4. More control

Saying no means you are in the driver’s seat, steering your life in the direction you wish to move as you pull your own strings and take back the charge of your life into your own hands! You are more in control and master of your destiny.

5. More respect

Saying no will leave you with more time and energy. It translates to having more time for assessing your value and self-worth. As you finish establishing your self-worth, you will respect yourself more, and so will others!

6. More fun

Life bestowed upon us is to be enjoyed! When you stop working for others, you start working for yourself. You start finding time for your interests, hobbies, and passion. It makes life fulfilling, joyful and more fun.

Helpful tips for saying no

So now we know why it is essential to learn to say no, let us sum up with some helpful tips for saying no:

• Be direct, such as “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to” wherever possible. But if this doesn’t come in handy, you may politely deny it by saying ‘sorry’ and by asking the other person ‘is there any other way I can help you?’ It is the best way to say no without hurting someone’s feelings and without being rude. 
• Don’t apologize and give all sorts of reasons. Don’t justify, it’s your right to say no.
• Don’t lie and undo the yes commitment by backtracking. Be upfront the first time and say no. Lying will most likely lead to guilt-which no one wants. Morally it is not good to keep people hanging as you may lose your trustworthiness and may even cause inconvenience to the other person. 
• Always remember that it is better to say no now than be resentful later. Always remember to be polite by saying things like “thanks for asking.”
• Practice saying no. Imagine a scenario and then practise saying no either by yourself or with a friend. It will make you a lot more comfortable with saying no.
• Don’t say “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. It will just prolong the situation and make you feel even more stressed.
• Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for other people. In fact, the opposite holds true.

Learning how to say no without saying no is an art, and it has been one of the best things I have done for myself. Not only did it help me to overcome my fear of rejection but also to have control over my life. I do not feel trapped, resentful, or guilty anymore. Instead, I feel empowered and free. If you want that same feeling of freedom and empowerment, take control, challenge yourself, and learn to say no.

The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life. It gives you a sense of empowerment. 

How to say no without feeling guilty?

The answer is simple. You should understand that when you say no, it is not rude, selfish or unkind to do so. Feeling guilty after saying no is a regressive belief that makes it hard to say no. Now that you have grown up, you should be able to take a stand for yourself and capable of making your own choices. You should know the difference between right and wrong, what is within the limit and what is off-limits. So, stop feeling guilty as when you say no, you are taking a decision in favour of yourself, and it has nothing to do with demeaning others’ requests. So, there should be no guilt when you say no!

How do you say no without being rude?

When you say no directly to people, they may find it offensive and rude. So, the best way to do no without being rude is to express your inability indirectly. You can say: I would love to help you or do it for you, but I have something else that I have committed before. Or you can say no by saying that I will not be helping you this time due to paucity of time or some preoccupation. You can also say no without being rude by denying politely saying sorry. You can also ask them, ‘is there anything else I can help you with?’ It is the best way to say no without being rude and hurting someone’s feelings.

Is it rude to say no?

The norms of society, childhood conditioning and societal practices make people perceive saying no as rude. We are supposed to go by the rules, always say yes, be a yes man, please others by keeping our mental health at stake. Saying yes is always considered normal. But when we go against the flow and start saying no, people find it difficult to digest and find saying no as rude. But it is not true. It is not rude to say no when you do not want to say yes. It is your right to say no and choose what you sign up for, and it should not make others feel hurt. Even if they term it as rude, it is okay. Everyone has their own rules and priorities, and so do you! People who find it rude will eventually understand. And if they do not, then it is their problem. So, feel free to prioritise yourself over anything else without feeling guilty.

How do you politely say no to a friend?

Friends are your social support network and are the ones who truly understand you in and out. And it is sometimes awkward to say no to a friend who has always been there and stood the test of time. So show to say no to a friend politely? To say no to a friend politely you can first understand the favour or help he is asking for. Lending a patient ear will make you understand the gravity of the situation. And once you hear it out and still are not convinced to say yes, you should openly yet subtly set the expectation. You can say things like I would have never said no to you, but this time I am helpless, and I am really sorry for it. But you can also ask your friend if you can help them in any other way or some other time when you are able to help them! Explain your situation without justifying your stand, and they should be able to understand your reasons. Do not commit the mistake of saying yes as a formality and then dishonour your commitment. It will only make your friendship bitter. Deny in the first go or take some time to respond and then deny by saying let me figure it out and get back to you. You can then get back to your friend and say that you will not able to help this time and that you are sorry for that. Other statements such as the following also help:

• I am honoured, but I can’t this time.
• It is so kind of you to think of me, but I can’t considering the current circumstances.
• Thanks for asking me to help you, but I am sorry I can’t!
• I would love to be of use to you and help you, but I seek your pardon for this time.
• I appreciate the invite, but I have already committed to some other engagement that I can’t deny now. 

How do you say no professionally or at work?

Saying no at work can be the toughest thing you can come across. Saying no to your manager or your coworkers is not taken in a positive light, but you have to take a stand sometime. You can say no at work by being polite yet direct. You can say that you already have some deadlines to meet and are overloaded with work. And therefore, you cannot take the additional work. Or you can say that you do not have the bandwidth to handle so much work and that your productivity will be hampered. And therefore, you will not be able to deliver your best. You can also say that you would love to take it up, but you have some personal commitments that you want to focus on first. A few things to keep in mind when you say no at work are:

• Be straightforward yet polite.
• Express your inability in the light of time, productivity or delivery.
• Try to suggest an alternative when you say no at work.
• Always explain yourself and express a desire to take it up in near future. 

By now you have the answer to the question of why do I feel guilty when I say no and why it is right to say no if you do not want to say yes. If you like this article, do share this with your friends. If you have some thoughts to share with us, please mention the same in the comments section below. We would love to hear from you. Also do not forget to subscribe to our YouTube Studio for some motivational and life-changing videos.