What is Love Bombing and How to Protect Yourself? Example and Signs!

Grand romantic gestures in the early days of a relationship could be sweet. Like, hello, here’s all the approval and reassurance you’ve ever wanted. But the trickery, manipulation, and abuse will start once the love bomber has won your trust. This person, who once made you feel like a king or queen, starts to put you down, control you, and make you feel less important.

That is exactly what happened with Sonia. She was impressed with his old-fashioned gestures and the acts of chivalry—he opened the door for her, pulled the chair out, and whatnot. 

Plus, they were Netflixing the same show, listening to the same songs, exchanging gifts, and longing to see each other over and over again. Raman was the best man she could ever get. Could he be the one?

The following day, over coffee, Raman told Sonia he had deleted all the dating apps and wanted her to do the same so they could be exclusive. Sonia couldn’t think clearly. She felt good about it but was a little concerned. The behaviour seemed assertive, but she reasoned, ignoring her instincts. It is how a relationship is supposed to unfold.

A bouquet. A beautiful dinner without any distractions! And at the end of your date, they tell you, “I can’t believe it, but I think I’ve found my soulmate at last.” This is the moment you have longed for—or a love bomb?

Let’s explore what love bombing is with examples and various signs of love bombing.

What is love bombing?

“Love bombing” is a manipulative tactic that narcissists often use to influence and gain control over their victims with romantic gestures. It involves overwhelming the target with excessive attention, affection, and flattery in a short amount of time, often in an attempt to create a strong emotional bond.

Love bombing can happen between two people of any gender (gay or straight). A love bomber might be someone trying to manipulate the other person in the relationship by being more dominant in the connection. Even female to male.

What makes love bombing so confusing for the person on the receiving end is that, at first, it feels excellent, thanks to all the dopamine and endorphin rush you get from the bomber’s lavish gestures. It all makes you feel loved, worthy, and valued, increasing a person’s self-esteem.

So, everything may seem like it couldn’t be better for a while. But the trickery, manipulation, and abuse will start once the love bomber has won your trust. This individual, who once treated you like royalty, now begins to insult, control, and devalue you.

What are some examples of love bombing?

There are certain common traits that most of the love bombers exhibit. These love bombing examples can be an eye-opener.

Common examples of love bombing in romantic relationships include:

1. Excessive Compliments: A love bomber may constantly tell you how amazing, attractive, and perfect you are, often in an exaggerated manner.
2. Rapid Declarations of Love: They may express deep love and a desire for a future together very early in the relationship, sometimes after only a few dates.
3. Excessive Attention: A love bomber may bombard you with messages, calls, and emails, often making you upset or anxious if you don’t respond immediately.
4. Frequent Gifts and Surprises: They may shower you with gifts, flowers, and tokens of affection, sometimes to the point that it makes you uncomfortable.
5. Over-the-top Affection: A love bomber may demonstrate extreme physical affection, such as constant hugging, kissing, or cuddling, even in public.
6. Future Planning: A love bomber may start talking about marriage, children, and a long-term future together in the early stages of the relationship with you.
7. Intense Interest: They often show an unusually high level of interest in your life, hobbies, interests, and opinions, making you feel like you met their perfect match.
8. Isolation: A love bomber may encourage you to spend less time with your friends and family so that you can spend more time with them.
9. Emotional Manipulation: They may use knowledge of your vulnerabilities and emotions to manipulate you by playing on their guilt or fear of abandonment.
10. Quick Escalation of Intimacy: They may pressure you into physical intimacy or push for exclusivity very early in the relationship.
11. Withdrawal of Affection: A love bomber may suddenly become distant or critical of you for exercising control after creating a strong emotional attachment.
12. Fluctuating Behavior: A love bomber may exhibit alternating or inconsistent behaviour, oscillating between being extremely loving and being distant or critical, causing confusion and uncertainty in you.
13. Boundary Violation: They may invade your personal space, privacy, and boundaries, often without your consent.
14. Jealousy and Possessiveness: A love bomber may become jealous and possessive and try to isolate you from other potential sources of emotional support.

The love bombing examples show that a love bomber can be emotionally manipulative and controlling. They can lead to a sense of dependency and confusion in the person who is being love-bombed.

So, it’s important to recognize these signs of love bombing and seek support or guidance if you suspect yourself or someone you know is experiencing love bombing in a relationship.

So why do people engage in love bombing?

So, now we know typical signs and examples of love bombing, it is important to understand why these people engage in love bombing.

People may engage in love bombing for a variety of reasons, but some common motivations include the following:

1. To control or manipulate the other person 

Love bombing can be used as a way to gain control over someone else. By showering them with attention and affection, the love bomber can make the other person feel indebted to them or more likely to comply with their wishes.

2. To boost their own ego 

Love bombers may use excessive attention and affection to boost their own self-esteem. They may feel a sense of power or validation from being able to win over someone’s affection so quickly.

3. To cover up negative traits

Love bombing can be a way for someone to distract from negative traits or behaviors. By overwhelming the other person with positive attention, they may be able to deflect any criticism or negative feedback.

4. To establish a relationship quickly

Some people may engage in love bombing as a way to establish a relationship quickly. They may feel that by showing an excessive amount of affection, they can fast-track the relationship and avoid any potential rejection or uncertainty.

Love bombing is something anyone can do; however, it is most commonly a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder. Love bombing is largely an unconscious behavior. It is all about getting the other person by hook or crook. And when they feel they have conquered the other person and feel secure in such a relationship, the narcissist flips and shows their true colors, becoming abusive, unreasonable, and manipulative. 

It’s important to note that while “love bombing” can feel exciting and flattering at first, it is not a healthy or sustainable way to build a relationship. If you suspect someone is engaging in love-bombing behavior, it’s essential to take a step back and objectively assess the situation. Trust your instincts, and look for any red flags or warning signs.

Typical signs of love bombing

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic that involves showering someone with excessive love, attention, and affection in order to gain their trust and manipulate them. Here are some signs that someone may be engaging in love bombing:

1. Moving too quickly

A love bomber may try to establish a relationship very quickly, often before the other person feels ready. They may talk about love, marriage, and other serious commitments very early on in the relationship. This is one of the signs of love bombing you should watch out for.

2. Overwhelming attention

A love bomber may shower the other person with an overwhelming amount of attention, such as constant texts, calls, or gifts. They may also want to spend all of their time with the other person and become possessive or jealous.

3. Flattery and compliments

A love bomber may use flattery and compliments to make the other person feel special and desired. They may constantly tell the other person how perfect or amazing they are.

4. Grand gestures

A love bomber may make grand gestures, such as surprising the other person with expensive gifts or vacations. They may also make extravagant declarations of love, such as writing love letters or poetry. (Watch out for a man who says, “he can’t stop pondering about you” after just one date.)

5. Manipulation

A love bomber may use manipulation tactics to control the other person, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or making the other person feel responsible for their happiness.

If you are looking for more specifics, here’s what a typical love bomber might say:

1. They say, “They want to pamper you.” (If they buy you outrageous gifts in a short amount of time.)
2. They say, “They just want to be with you all the time.” And if you are making yourself feel guilty for wanting boundaries or space, it is not a good sign.
3. They say, “They worry about you, so they want to be updated about your whereabouts.” If they do it once in a while, it is normal. But if they are constantly checking on your whereabouts, asking for passwords, or stalking you on social media, it can be a sign of love bombing.
4. They say, “We are made for each other.” It might sound very flattering, but it is advisable to be cautious if things get too intense too soon and they start to claim that you are their soul mate.
5. They say, “You and I are together for life, right?” Be careful of such statements. 

Here are some typical examples of how a love bomber may act:

1. A love bomber may demand your attention and seek your time. They may even isolate you from your friends and family. For example, they may make you feel guilty about making plans with others and even get enraged. 
2. A love bomber may overtly shower you with compliments and extra affection. 
3. A love bomber may persuade you to commit to them very early in the relationship, regardless of your relationship stage.

So these are a few signs and examples of love bombing that you should watch out for.

It’s important to note that not everyone who shows affection or moves quickly in a relationship is engaging in love bombing. However, if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable with the amount of attention you are receiving, it’s important to trust your instincts and set boundaries. A healthy relationship should involve mutual respect, trust, and communication.

How do I know if I have been love-bombed?

You may dismiss “love bombing” as passionate love that feels really good. And why not? We all love to be desired. However, it can be love bombing, too, and you need to be aware of the difference between passionate love and love bombing. Remember the love bombing examples we talked about above?

While true love is about respect, love, and mutual admiration, “love bombing” may feel more sudden, abrupt, and mismatched. Love bombing can be over the top. Think of a situation where your partner texts you 50 times a day or persuades you to go on a holiday with them at the most luxurious places in the world versus gifting you a book you both would love to read at leisure on your one-month anniversary. 

Nothing is wrong with these nice romantic gestures, except that they should be timed appropriately and not shoved down your throat from the very first conversation.

If you suspect that you have been love-bombed, there are a few signs to look out for:

1. You feel overwhelmed: If you feel like the other person is moving too quickly or overwhelming you with attention, it may be a sign of love bombing.
2. You feel indebted: If you feel like you owe the other person something or are obligated to reciprocate their affection, it may be a sign of manipulation.
3. You feel controlled: If the other person is possessive or jealous or tries to control your behavior or decisions, it may be a sign of manipulation.
4. You feel uncertain: If you are unsure about the other person’s intentions or feel like they are not being genuine, it may be a sign of love bombing.
5. Your gut tells you something is wrong: If you have a nagging feeling that something is wrong or you feel like the other person is too good to be true, it may be a sign of love bombing.

If you suspect that you have been love-bombed, it’s important to take a step back and assess the situation objectively. Trust your instincts, and look for any red flags or warning signs. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist for support and guidance.

It’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being in any relationship.

Why is love bombing dangerous?

Love bombing can be dangerous because it is a manipulative tactic that can lead to emotional and psychological harm. Here are some reasons why “love bombing” can be hazardous:

It sets unrealistic expectations: Love bombing creates an unrealistic expectation of what a relationship should be like. When the love bomber eventually pulls back, the other person may feel confused or rejected.

1. It can lead to co-dependency

Love bombing can create a sense of dependency on the other person, making it difficult for the other person to assert their own needs or boundaries.

2. It can be a form of emotional abuse

Love bombing can be a form of emotional abuse because it is a way to control and manipulate the other person’s emotions and behavior.

3. It can lead to a toxic relationship

Love bombing can set the stage for a toxic relationship because it creates an imbalance of power and can make it difficult for the other person to leave the relationship.

4. It can harm self-esteem

Love bombing can harm self-esteem by making the other person feel like they do not deserve love and attention unless they comply with the love bomber’s wishes.

5. It can lead to isolation

Love bombers may demand all your attention and ultimately isolate you from your loved ones.

6. It can lead to the justification of bad behavior

Love bombers often justify bad behaviours such as infidelity or cheating. For example, “So what if I texted Jess, all I did was for you so that I could buy this jewelry for you.”

And when a love bomber gets what they want, they may ghost you.

Overall, love bombing can be a dangerous tactic that can lead to emotional and psychological harm. It’s important to recognize the signs of love bombing and set boundaries to protect yourself in any relationship.

How can I protect myself from love bombing?

So, what can you do if you are being love-bombed? To protect yourself from love bombing, here are some steps you can take:

1. Take things slow

It could be a red flag if someone is trying to rush the relationship or move too quickly. Take the time to get to know the person and build a relationship at a healthy pace. It would be best to flag any excessive attention and gifts early in a relationship. 

2. Trust your instincts

If something feels off or too good to be true, it probably is. Listen to your gut instincts and be cautious of someone who is too eager to please.

3. Pay attention to actions, not just words

Words can be deceptive, and love bombers often use grand gestures and sweet talk to manipulate their targets. Look for inconsistencies in their actions and behavior to determine if they are genuine.

4. Set boundaries

Be clear about your boundaries and expectations for the relationship. A love bomber may try to push those boundaries to test your limits and gain control.

5. Keep your independence

Maintain your own hobbies, interests, and social circle. A love bomber may try to isolate you from your support network to gain control over you.

6. Seek support

If you feel like you are being love bombed, reach out to friends or family members for support and guidance. You may also consider speaking with a therapist or counselor to process your feelings and develop a plan for protecting yourself.

7. Learn to recognize narcissists and stay away from them

People with a narcissistic personality disorder would lack empathy, seek attention, have an inflated ego and sense of importance, and have distressed relationships.  

8. Take cognizance of your own vulnerabilities

If you suffer from attachment issues, are emotionally detached from your family, or have learned to be flattered by gifts, you may be more vulnerable to love bombers. So, you should proceed with extra caution and take your time to heal.

9. Have a checklist of what a healthy relationship looks like

A fulfilling and healthy relationship is characterized by respect, independence, freedom, compassion, empathy, and listening. And these are the traits that are the weakest virtues of a narcissist or love bomber.

10. Stop communicating

It is in your best interest to stop communicating with someone you think is trying to manipulate and control you. So, it is better to dump these love bombers and move on. 

Do not succumb to the temptation of attempting to rehabilitate a love bomber. It’s not up to you to do that! Also, narcissists have a hard time dealing with criticism and failure, so trying to get them to see a professional will probably not help.

Now you understand what love bombing is, the examples of love bombing and the typical signs of love bombing, empower yourself and protect yourself from it head-on.

PS: If you like this article, please mention your thoughts in the comments section below. 

Read Also: How do you know when a relationship is over? 5 undeniable signs!