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Have you heard of an inner child? The term “inner child” refers to an individual’s childlike aspect, and your inner child is an unconscious part of who you are. Like everyone else, you were once a child. And that piece of you lives inside of you. Your inner child is a psychological reality that should be taken seriously. When dealing with an unhealthy childhood, you may have learned to internalize negativity. Or you may have been mistreated as a child, and you, therefore, think that you deserve to be treated poorly. And in this way, your inner child can get wounded. You might not have gotten over the pain of that event, even if you think you did. So let us find out if you are carrying a wounded inner child within.
Everyone has an inner child hiding within. The inner child we have is a direct illustration of ourselves in our early days. It reminds us of our carefree days, wild dreams, and playfulness. While many of us are in touch with the pleasures of infancy, not everyone associates childhood with fun and joyfulness. The chances are that most of us have already experienced trauma, emotional distress, neglect, and indifference as children. And therefore, our inner child may feel invaluable, feeble, vulnerable, and in need of protection. The chances are that you may have concealed your pain to shield yourself and your wounded inner child.
Suggested Reading: How To Heal Your Inner Child? Inner Child Healing Exercises & Tips!
We often forget that masking pain does not heal it. The reality is that it often surfaces again in your adult life and manifests in your relationships, and your life and makes it difficult to meet your own wants. Therefore you need to reparent, nurture and heal your inner child. But first, you need to look at the signs of a wounded inner child to determine if you have a wounded inner child and determine the extent to which your inner child has been wounded.
What is the inner child?
Your inner child is an integral part of your personality that reserves all your memories, emotions, actions, needs, wants, and attitudes that you shielded from your childhood. It is the child that lives within you, and it is your psyche. We all should take cognizance of our inner child and feel inspired by it.
What is a wounded inner child?
Many times in our childhood, some of our psychological needs were not met. Or as children, we are emotionally and mentally wounded, ignored, and even mistreated in childhood. Such a traumatic past leaves inner scars that never heal, and our inner child gets stuck and doesn’t grow and develop. The emotionally wounded inner child may have an outrageous temperament, throw emotional tantrums, face challenges in forming a bond with friends, and be suspicious of others. The wounded inner child thus becomes part of us that displays the indentations of childhood psychological trauma.
Our injured inner child encourages us to face comparable unpleasant situations that caused trauma to make us heal our wounds. While the inner protector within us wants us to avoid such situations to shield us from the pain.
The cry or scream we hear from deep within our hearts comes from the wounded inner child we have within. And healing this inner child and the associated pain our inner child is going through is the key to transforming our anger, fear, and melancholy.
In fact, we all have a wounded inner child residing within. I have felt my inner child myself. My wounded inner child got hurt when my best friend didn’t call me or text me for many days. It seemed that I was the only one trying to reach out to her and that she doesn’t really care. My inner child was also scared the other day because I couldn’t crack a promising business deal. I was afraid to lose it. My wounded inner child felt terrified and alone. And then my inner child was angry, and I knew it was about despair and hurt again. Of course, my inner child feels helpless and cheated when things do not go the way I want. It wants to shout, scream and get even with those who have caused hurt.
The wounded inner child does know what is wrong or right. It is just a child trying to shield itself from harm, and take care of its needs in the best possible way it can. The tender little child that you once were lives now in your grown-up body. It experiences the world as a dangerous place to live in and plays in an offensive or defensive position in order to survive.
Your wounded inner child apparently never shows up when your life is sailing smoothly, and you are in charge of it. But when you feel threatened, scared, disregarded, or hurt, the small child within you is affected in a big way. There is a surge of negative emotions that surface, and it is a big clue that your wounded inner child is taking over. Various emotions that your inner child may feel can come out as anger.
Wounded inner child questionnaire (wounded inner child quiz)
For this post to be a valuable reference for you, I need you to get into a contemplative zone in your mind. You should be able to openly reflect on your own childhood, the trauma you faced, and how you felt as a child. You should utilize this post for self-reflection, contemplation, and introspection.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Did I feel safe and secure?
- Did I feel a sense of belongingness in my family?
- Did my parents value my opinion, or was I allowed to be myself?
- Do I hold resentment from my childhood days?
- How is my current relationship with my inner child?
The chances are that you can relate to some of the questions mentioned above, and a little hurt inner child is shying away within yourself.
The detailed wounded inner child quiz / wounded inner child questionnaire / inner child trauma test or inner child wounds quiz is given at the end of this post!
Eight signs that you have a wounded inner child
Here are a few signs that may hint that your inner child is wounded and needs reparenting and healing. The more signs you say yes to, the more wounded your inner child is.
1. You have low self-esteem & an inappropriate guilt
Did your parents blame you and guilt trap you a lot as a child? When adults make children feel responsible for things outside of their control, this can leave them with feelings of unnecessary guilt, even in adulthood. When you have done something wrong, it is normal to feel guilty. However, when your sense of guilt doesn’t fit anywhere in your current circumstances, this can be a sign of a wounded inner child. It indicates that you were made to feel guilty in your childhood. And you never healed from it.
Or do you have poor self-esteem? Poor self-esteem stems from not knowing yourself and your worth. If you suffer from low self-esteem, then you are not sure about your strengths and weaknesses. It means that you do not believe in your abilities, and you often criticize yourself as being less than others. You may develop eating disorders, body image issues, and so on. In such a condition, you have a wounded inner child that needs your nurturing.
2. You fear abandonment
We bury our trauma and bring them with us from our childhood into adulthood, whether we want to or not. Do you continue to think about arguments long after they are over? Do you ruminate over bad things that happened, even though you know you would be happier if you just moved on? Or do you cling to things that are already over because it feels safer than accepting the reality? This could all be because you are experiencing symptoms of the baggage that was left behind in your past.
Do you often worry that the people in your life will leave you eventually? Do you feel that you are not worthy of affection? And if it is true, you might unintentionally push people away. This is because nothing anyone does can convince you that they are true and committed. You would rather be alone than abandoned. This common phobia of abandonment is one of the most damaging ones. Our current behaviour and actions in present relationships are the result of old despair and learned theories that took place in our childhood.
Everyone hates abandonment, the most basic yet most damaging fear of all. If your deepest fear is abandonment, and you are ready to do anything and cling to a relationship at any cost, then it is serious. If you are the one who hoards things and has trouble letting go of the past or people, then it means that your inner child is wounded and needs reparenting. Such people are very much dependent on others and are overly insecure. They fear people will leave them, and it will prevent them from forming meaningful relationships with others.
3. You fear speaking up for yourself
During my childhood days, I was not very expressive and reserved my opinion to myself. I felt that I could not express myself openly and freely without inviting judgment or being heard at all. I thought my opinion did not matter and was not respected.
As a child, sometimes we all feel this. Many of us had authoritarian parents who always planned for us, and we were supposed to follow without asking anything. And the outcome was that you were scared to plan your life, speak up for yourself, and eventually became too dependent to make your own decisions. Your inner child wanted to explore and flutter its wings but to no avail. And it got scared and wounded in this process. You now find it hard to take a stand for yourself and feel guilty about it, have yourself heard, and struggle to say no.
So, invariably, you are letting people rule your life, encroach on your space, and cross the fine line. Not only that, you have space issues, and when you feel your space is encroached upon, instead of telling people that you feel disrespected, you cut them off from your life.
You know it is not the solution, and it is not a healthy approach. It is just your coping mechanism to guard yourself when you feel violated.
4. You fear expressing & managing your emotions
Everyone goes through feelings of sadness, anger, joy, fear, etc. Some express them, while others are ashamed of expressing these emotions. Shame is a feeling we all have felt as kids, and it is one of the most toxic emotions you ever can feel as a kid. Shame is an emotion that can lead to self-hatred, and you want to disown it.
When children are physically or emotionally abandoned, neglected, or abused, they often take the blame on themselves. They take the shame that belongs to the adults who abandoned them or hurt them, on themselves by assuming that they were the bad ones.
So if you feel ashamed to express your natural feeling of anger, joy frustration, or fear, you have a wounded inner child that needs nurturing and care. It is because, when you think of yourself, you feel from deep within that you are broken, and something is seriously wrong with you, and that it’s all your fault.
Also, do you get angry easily? Expressing anger is a normal feeling, but when you lose anger every now and then and struggle to manage it, it signifies an underlying issue. Being overly angry can be the same as your inner child having a fit. It can mean that you are holding onto a time when your needs weren’t met or your circumstances were unfair and frustrating.
5. You have real trust issues
Were you constantly lied to, cheated on, or manipulated in your childhood? Since then, are you always wary of other people’s intentions and distrust everyone around you, including yourself? Issues with trust are a type of ego-defense mechanism. To avoid experiencing the same kind of anxiety and heartache all over again, you develop trust issues as a defense mechanism. By mistrusting yourself and others, you try to avoid experiencing the anxiety and heartache that you went through before. Mistrust often stems from your wounded inner child who believes that people cannot be trusted. And if you are full of self-doubt, then it becomes all the more complicated. Many of you were gaslighted, bullied, abused, or neglected as children, which permanently harmed your self-esteem and confidence.
As kids, even the smallest remarks had an impact. If your parents constantly compared you with the brightest child in your class or you had a lot of pressure to win the football game, you absorbed the message that you will never be good enough. And it is manifested now as you grow old or enter adulthood. You find yourself inadequate and not good enough. It is a clear sign that you do not trust yourself, and hence you do not trust others as well.
But the reality is that not everyone is as bad as you think and is not going to mistreat you. And if you hold on to this belief that everyone will hurt you, it prevents you from getting close to people who do truly love you. Such issues often stem from a wounded inner child who learned early on that people can not be trusted.
6. You are a people-pleaser and find it dificult to set boundries
How much of yourself you will give to other people? Do you find it hard to properly enforce the boundaries you have set for yourself? Boundaries are the rules we create in our minds to help us figure out how much we will let other people get away with our lives. Perhaps you are a people pleaser, unable to say ‘no’ when someone asks you for a favour. You could be afraid to hurt their feelings, or maybe, you are just not good at speaking your mind.
Do you think you do not like disappointing people and always try to be in their good books? Are you afraid to say no, long to seek other people’s approval, and assess your worth with external validation?
As a child, nothing was sweeter than being labeled as a good girl or a good boy who always agrees. As a boy, I loved to be labeled as a nice boy, abiding by people’s requests and making them happy. It was incredibly important to me. I was not much concerned about my happiness, and I was happy as others were happy. And in the process, I felt loved, secure, and appreciated.
As I grew older, my people-pleasing tendencies went overboard. I wasted a lot of time pleasing people, making them happy, and gaining their approval. But I was unhappy deep within until I learned how to make myself happy again by choosing my own happiness first.
The root cause of your pleasing behaviour is linked to your childhood, where you muted your needs, emotions, and choices to the point that you weakened yourself. And this is a clear indication that your wounded inner child needs repair.
7. You are inclined to addiction
Do you feel you are a victim of addiction like substance abuse or alcohol to forget unpleasant thoughts or emotions? Rather than confronting your insecurities, you let yourself feel the pain, make yourself numb, and avoid facing the issues head-on. If yes, then you have a little wounded inner child that needs your immediate attention.
Addiction is often a manifestation of an underlying shock that has not healed or been processed. The truth is that you are not actually addicted to the substance you are addicted to the relief it provides.
You should rather talk to yourself and your wounded inner child. Ask yourself about what is disturbing you and what are you denying, suppressing, and avoiding.
8. You mostly avoid people
Do you have intense anxiety or panic when you are around people and have to deal with them? It can be an indication that you have a wounded inner child. While it is quite normal to avoid people you do not like, if such behaviour is the order of the day, then be concerned. People feel anxious when surrounded by many people. But when you feel that way quite often in normal situations, then you should pay close attention to it. Such a feeling may manifest in day-to-day life, like going out for dinner or meeting new people, which may make you anxious. Or you may be avoiding going out altogether to avoid interactions. And you feel safe and protected when you are at home. This is another manifestation of a wounded inner child residing inside you that needs your care.
Did these signs help you recognize whether your inner child is wounded or not? When you look at your past trauma, you understand your behaviour and get to the root cause of your fears. So, if you want to heal your inner child, start expressing yourself authentically and without any shame. You should learn to respect, accept and make peace with your past self a.k.a. your inner child.
Also Read: How to stay true to yourself? 8 Signs you are being true to yourself!
Wounded inner child quiz / Wounded inner child questionnaire / Inner child trauma test / Inner child wounds quiz
Take the following wounded inner child quiz or wounded inner child questionnaire or Inner child trauma test or Inner child wounds quiz to determine further if you are carrying a wounded inner child within.
You can launch the quiz by clicking the button below and get your personalized responses in your mailbox too!
Answer the following questions in yes or no. The more signs you say yes to, the more wounded your inner child is.
- You feel deep down that something is seriously wrong with you.
- You have trust issues and find it difficult to form relationships with other people. And you do not trust yourself as well.
- You have social anxiety or are afraid of people and try to avoid them.
- You have a lot of anxiety when you think of doing something new or when changes take place.
- You cling on to people and find it difficult to let them go, even if it means hurting your self-respect.
- You always please people, try to remain in their good books, be a yes man and find it hard to say no.
- You hoard things and live in the past.
- You have poor self-esteem, and low-self respect.
- You find it difficult to stand up for yourself and feel guilty for standing up for yourself.
- You are ashamed of expressing your emotions like sadness or anger.
- You are always in conflict with yourself and other people.
- You have unfulfilled desires that you try to answer in your present and often fail.
- You feel incompetent and not enough as a person. And constantly criticize yourself for being unworthy.
- You think of yourself as a sinner.
- You seek perfection in everything, including people.
- You have been an addict or are addicted to something.
- You feel responsible for others’ happiness and tend to overlook yours.
- You were never close to your parents or family.
- You fear being abandoned to the point that you do not let anyone close to you.
This list is not exhaustive but indicative of the fact that you may be carrying a wounded inner child within.
It is to be noted here that our inner child does not disappear or cease to exist when we become adults. On the contrary, it stays within us and reminds us of all the wounds and traumas not healed yet. To heal your inner child, you should first contemplate and acknowledge the presence of an inner child. In order to heal yourself and your inner child, you need to face the pain that caused the bruises.
So are you ready to enter into a contemplative zone, reflect on your childhood and take care of your inner child? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.
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