Many of us keep wondering: why I am unhappy and discontent all the time? What is it that is missing in my life? What is it that I am chasing? Is it money, power, position or fame? Or is it anything else like eternal peace? As we dwell deep down and contemplate more, we realize that we are not happy, and it is happiness that we want to embrace. And why not? It is what ultimate success looks like! But why is happiness abstaining from our lives, and how to catch hold of it? The answer is that happiness is a choice that we forget to choose every day! It is not abstaining from our lives. We are not choosing it. So how to choose happiness and continue to choose is every day? Here is how I did it, and so can you too! Plunge in to know my journey of discovering happiness.
I went through a phase in life where I thought I lost everything. With no hopes, I kept wondering how to regain my strength and reclaim my happiness. Seeing me in despair, my father lent me a piece of advice. He asked me: what is it that you want from life? He told me to be honest about it. I immediately said: I want to settle down in life! He was not convinced and asked me to think deeper and figure out the fundamental reason for the same. And I was forced to think about it! I confronted myself to figure out what I wanted from life ultimately. Is it the success that I am craving? Yes, success! I said to my father. But why success? He asked. Because I want to be happy being successful, I replied. So happiness is it, right? My father responded as he sipped his tea! And yes, he was right, it is happiness that I want to attain, and it is exactly what is missing in my life. I told him: I want to be happy and content. Well, you have everything you can ask for! And tell you what, happiness is a choice, and you can choose to be happy. Think about it and share how you feel next time you see me, my father said as he left for some work.
Happiness is a choice, and you can choose to be happy. It was not merely a statement but a life perspective. It changed my whole outlook towards life. And since then, I have decided to choose happiness over anything else. I have stopped chasing things to buy me happiness. Rather I choose happiness consciously, every day!
Where can I find happiness?
Often we chase happiness and fail to realize that it sits right next to us. It results from the choices we make every day. And it is the cue to find happiness within. I took this cue, that my father gave, and started doing things that made me happy, and I started becoming happy! I stopped seeking validation in external things and started to look within. I realized that choosing happiness is a constant effort, and it is not something that comes naturally. You have to train your mind to be happy and relish the small pleasures of life.
Many of you might experience anxiousness, anger and resentment more often than feelings of happiness and tranquillity. Sometimes you just do not feel normal, experience unexplained mood swings and find it difficult to decipher the exact reason for your unhappiness. So is it your past that is bothering you, childhood trauma, or present circumstances? As a child, you were the happiest- carefree, content and free! Yes, you have come a long way in life, and your circumstances are very different now. But it does not mean you can not be happy again! Life will never be a cakewalk, but it is also true that you can accept your life conditions, move on and choose to be happy.
Indeed, like many of you, I have also struggled with debilitating periods of depression, anxiety and pain. But I chose to free myself from the shackles of the past and the pain of yesterday. And as I started my quest of finding happiness, I discovered it deep within an unfrequented corner of my heart. I have personally uncovered happiness by breaking down life into a basic one. I reasoned out a few fundamental principles of life, to encounter happiness, peace, optimism and positivity. And I will uncover the same as we progress along.
So, stop waiting for happiness to come knocking at your door and start working consciously to embrace it. It is right there, around you! All you need to do is unlearn your unpleasant past experiences, learn to welcome the small pleasures of life, and work towards attaining happiness on a daily basis. Change your mindset to believe happiness is a choice and do that with conviction.
Sounds simple right? Choosing happiness is not as easy as it sounds. And it is not tough to attain either. When you start working towards choosing happiness, things start to fall in place. Yes happiness is a choice, but how to go about it? Let’s figure it out.
What is happiness?
Okay so before we learn how to find happiness, let us understand what it is? Happiness, for me, is the sole and ultimate purpose in life. In general, happiness refers to your emotional, mental and physical state of being that can be achieved by having a purpose and higher meaning in life. Happiness is the act of being present, finding joy in every moment and feeling good daily. Various factors affect your happiness:
- your thoughts, actions and behaviour control your happiness.
- your life circumstances determine your happiness.
- genetics also play some part n determining happiness.
Our life circumstance changes over time, and we can control our thoughts, actions and behaviour. So if we deal with these two factors, we can choose happiness. If your circumstances are unfavourable, make them work for you or if your behaviour, actions and thoughts are making you unhappy, change them. To give happiness to others, you should be happy yourself first. So if you have family whom you want to see happy, work upon your happiness first. It is only you who holds the key to your happiness. I would reiterate again that happiness is a choice and you should choose it every day!
Here are some of my favourite quotes
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” -John Lennon
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”- Abraham Lincon
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim of human existence.”- Aristotle
How to choose happiness everyday?
Simply understanding happiness is a choice is not enough. We have to work on achieving the same every day. So, let us pledge to the cause of choosing our well-being first and emerge as a victor!
1. Resolve your inner conflicts and become self-aware
The key to finding happiness is to resolve your inner conflicts first. Happiness is an inward journey foremost. When you embark on an inward journey, you uncover your underlying feelings, conflicts, and unfulfilled emotions. As you unfold and process these emotions, you come to terms with your conflicts and work towards resolving these conflicts that are the root cause of your dissonance. It will make you more self-aware, and in the process, you heal yourself emotionally.
So when they say happiness is a choice, it means you should choose to reflect more often and create a space for happiness to seep in.
2. Count your blessings
To choose happiness, you need to count your blessings and look at those not as blessed and fortunate as you are. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than pondering on the negative ones. They set their minds on specific reasons to be grateful and express it whenever possible, and they know there is always something to be thankful for.
Happy people make gratitude their attitude. They thank not only the almighty but also the people around them. So if you have access to basic necessities of life like clean water to drink, healthy food to eat, a comfortable home to live in and a loving family to come home to, consider yourself fortunate! What else can you ask for?
If you look around, you will find people are struggling to make their ends meet. Some people are mentally and physically incapacitated, and some are struggling with a life-threatening disease. Sadly, life is unfair and unfortunate for many. So, count your blessings, and it will start making you more content and grateful in life. And eventually, you will start feeling happiness eternally! Didn’t I say that happiness is a choice?
3. Practice holistic self-care
They say when you take care of yourself, your body responds and reciprocates the same. Therefore, taking care of yourself should be the number one thing on your priority list. And the best way to choose happiness is to attend to yourself, your needs and wants. When you indulge in holistic self-care practices like pursuing your interests, making time for yourself, and taking care of your physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and mental health, you start healing, and happiness percolates in. For example, travelling gives me happiness and therefore, I travel to make myself happy. Similarly, nothing should stop you from pursuing your passions, and you should find your source of happiness in things like cooking, dancing, painting or anything else. The idea is to be aware of your relationship with yourself as it is a gateway to a happy and healthy relationship with yourself and with others.
4. Delink happiness with material possessions
Don’t seek happiness in people or possessions. And do not link happiness with money. Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances as they do not seek happiness in people or material possessions. Materialistic things are temporary, and so are many people in life. Only a few people matter, such as parents, spouse or partner and a handful of friends! And once we identify these people, we can become more sorted and set our priorities right. These people can become our gateway to happiness. However, what other people think, want and expect should not matter to us. So we should stop seeking happiness in them. Also, once we delink our happiness with money or possessions, we become more powerful and in charge of our happiness.
Also Read: 5 Tips for Choosing your Friends wisely & Seeking Meaningful Relationships!
So the next daunting question is: Can money buy happiness? Although money is an important factor in our lives, it yields happiness only to a certain point. Post that, it is rendered useless. And to be specific, as per research, $75,000 is the point after which money starts to feel less relevant when it comes to happiness and well-being.
So money does buy us comfort and convenience, it is rendered useless in increasing happiness in the long run. Happiness doesn’t rise with income beyond a certain point. There are chances that you may see more money than you ever had in life, but you still be trapped in the paradox, struggling to understand why are you unhappy. The answer is a lot simpler than you might expect: happiness is a choice. To read more about money and happiness, you can refer to an interesting concept called the Easterlin Paradox.
"While not having money makes people unhappy, you cannot buy happiness"
5. Drift away from negative emotions
We all face harsh life experiences like loss of life and material possessions, heartbreaks, health issues, and other negative emotions of even a higher pedigree. And no one is spared regardless of gender, age, socio-economic class, or profession. Every individual faces hardships in one form or another. But life has to go on! You can decide to arrest those feelings, become a slave to your negative emotions and lead an unhappy life. Or you can choose to fight back, drift away from negative emotions of anger, guilt, shame or resentment and reclaim your happiness. The choice is yours! But as we discussed, happiness is a choice, and I choose to drift away from negativity to make my choice more prominent.
6. Embrace conscious positive emotions
An alternative to drifting away from negative emotions is to attract positive emotions by having an abundance mindset! You can draw positive inspiration from your surroundings, look at the brighter side of life, develop meaningful relationships with others and make every day count by celebrating every small milestone. It will ensure a peaceful mind and a fulfilling life!
7. Have an internal locus of control
People who believe that they can control their own life (i.e. people with an internal locus of control), by and large, have a positive outlook as they command more control when making decisions and implementing small changes in their lives. It uplifts their self-worth and keeps them motivated to be masters of their own destinies.
People who believe that their life is controlled by external factors, beyond their influence (i.e. people with an external locus of control), attribute all their actions and decisions to destiny! Such people are weak-minded personalities who give up easily and displace all outcomes to external forces. These individuals never accept their shortcomings and attribute their failures to circumstances or other people. As these people have low self-worth and low motivation, they remain largely unhappy in life.
So happiness is a choice, and you should choose to be master of your destiny than being engulfed with a victim mindset.
8. Pull your own strings
Are you in a habit of letting others decide for you? If yes, then you can never be happy! If you can not decide for yourself, others will, and the decisions will not be so pleasing. So if you want to choose happiness, you should not let others dictate the terms and decide what is best for you. If you are letting people control you, you are signing up for slavery. You should pull your own strings and learn to say no without guilt. It will set you free, make you take charge of your own life and take up things you truly believe in.
9. Be Empathetic to People
Be empathetic to the people around you by being considerate, kind, and compassionate. When you extend a helping hand to people, it makes you eternally happy and imparts peace. And when your heart feels the joy of the other person, it radiates in your demeanour as well! So when you choose to be a kind, and empathetic person, it heals you and makes you a happy person!
10. Keep yourself healthy
Health is wealth! No matter how much you try to chase happiness, your health will have the final say and dictate the final terms! So, if you want to be happy, take care of your health first. It means that you should listen to your body, eat nutritious meals and maintain physical fitness. It also means that you should take care of your emotional and mental health by practising meditation, mindfulness and proper sleep! A happy body will definitely lead to a happy mind!
11. Stop Comparing yourself with others
No matter what we do, what we have, or how we look, it never seems good enough, right? We have this habit of constantly comparing ourselves with everyone else concerning their achievements, looks, and possessions while forgetting our own qualities and achievements. We even forget that we all are unique in our own ways, which is our greatest asset.
This habit of constant comparison is a source of extreme frustration and leads to unhappiness. So to choose happiness and your mental well-being, you should break this habit of making comparisons and promise yourself to stop comparing yourself to others. Here is a quote I love:
There is always going to be someone prettier than you, Fitter than you, Richer than you, And appearing happier than you. Good for them. Good for all of them. You Focus on You
12. Let go of the resentment
Ask yourself, do you currently feel resentful towards someone from your past or present? Or do you feel that you have not been treated justly? While it is common for people to hold onto resentment or grudge, if this feeling is left unattended it can become intoxicating and affect your overall wellbeing. So to let happiness seep in, you need to learn to let go of resentment and drop the grudge.
Well, holding on to resentment hurts you more than the other person. So why bear the pain? Ask yourself what is the value of anger you are withholding? Whatever has happened in the past is done and dusted. You can not change the past. But you can let go of the past and move on. And once you decided to let it go, you start moving towards your freedom. So happiness is a choice! When you choose your freedom, happiness chooses you!
13. Let go of the past
Are you still holding onto your past? The decision to forget your past is not an easy one. A point will come when you have to choose between moving on in life or clinging to the past. Moving on will release all your pain, make you free and help your propper. Holding on to the past will do the opposite and won’t add any value. It will neither change the present nor make your future better. Also, sometimes the act of letting things go is an act of greater power than hanging on. Therefore, to find happiness, you have to let go of the past and move on in life.
Take the quiz: Are you stuck in the past? Learn how to get unstuck.
14. Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is the act of letting go of resentment and the thoughts of revenge. The act of forgiveness is an art, and if done right, it can be liberating! You do not forgive for anyone else, but for attaining your own peace. It requires a lot of courage and a big heart to forgive someone. And it does not mean forgetting the harm done and making up with the person who caused the harm. But it is done to attain your own closure so that you can move on in life. Forgiveness is one of the best ways to reclaim your happiness. So when they say happiness is a choice, forgiveness is the decision you make to that choice.
15. Let go of the negative people in life
Negative or toxic people are everywhere. They may be anyone from your family, friends, coworkers, or even your partner. When negativity surrounds you, it is easier to absorb such energy that may make you feel negative about yourself too. These negative people rip you off your happiness and peace of mind and are not worth holding onto. Therefore, it is imperative to shut down negative people and attain happiness. So let go of the negative people in life, as they are a major roadblock between you and your happiness.
I applied the above 15 principles in my life to reclaim my happiness. Not only do I feel free, but also I have recreated my life story. I strongly believe that happiness is a choice, and you should choose to be happy. So, choose happiness and not chase happiness. Start implementing these simple tips in your lives, and get your subtle smile back! You can thank me later 🙂
How about you. Do you think happiness is a choice? And how do you manage to choose happiness every day? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. I would love to hear your thoughts.
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Beautiful Akram ! It is actually true that only u can make urself happy .
Thank you Arti 🙂
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