Is My Husband Gay? Signs of a Gay Husband Quiz!

TL;DR

Is my husband gay? Signs your husband is gay and hiding in the closet:

If you suspect that your husband is in the closet and hiding his sexual orientation, here are some signs to consider:

1. He is a homophobe
2. He is not sexually you
3. He is emotionally distant
4. His behaviour is inconsistent
5. He has an endless list of new male friends 
6. He loves spending time with one man
7. He checks out other men
8. He is self-obsessed and full of unexplained vanity
9. He is not jealous

So, how do you deal with such a situation?

If your husband is gay or in the closet, here is what you can do:

1. Do your homework: Collect the evidence before you confront your husband about his sexuality.
2. Communicate: Instead of worrying and getting tense, you should act like an adult and initiate a conversation with your partner.
3. Be compassionate: Understand his side story to attain your own closure.
4. Plan your future: You cannot convince your partner to become straight. So, plan your exit.

A survey conducted by Gallup Inc. concluded that at least 25% of the male population in America is gay. In other words, every fifth man in the US is gay. Could your husband be? Yes, the global closet is enormous! And the chances are high that your husband could be one of the rainbow sheep in hiding. Consequently, it is no surprise that many women ask, Is my husband gay? What are the signs my husband is in the closet? (For more details, read this article.)

I am not gay. But I am sure my husband is. He is hiding in the closet, confessed Sayani. 

She added I got married a couple of years ago, but something seems offbeat in my marriage. Not to mention, my bedroom life sucks. We hardly get intimate, and he gets uncomfortable when I am near him. Whenever I try to get close to him, he tries to escape and finds some excuse.

She paused and then continued: Then the world got locked down. I thought it was the best time to revive our relationship and explore each other sensually. But to no avail. I had this strange feeling that I could not explain. There has been a feeling of emptiness, lack of intimacy, and connection since my first honeymoon trip to the Seychelles. While other honeymooners were busy making out, I was busy soaking in solitude and contemplation. After the honeymoon was over, we returned to our regular lives. But I never experienced the honeymoon phase I always desired.

But this is not it! 

My husband always worked late and spent most of his leisure time with his male friends. For him, I was only a responsibility. He never had time for me. We were not only physically disconnected but also emotionally distant. 

I always wondered what was wrong in my marriage and why I had to crave things that come naturally to other couples, until a shocking revelation. I realized that my husband was browsing gay adult content on his mobile.

Is my husband gay? Really?? How can I be so naive? 

I was shocked; I was confused, and I was disgusted.

I was speechless, and I was angry. 

I guess it answered it all! And it was the last nail in the coffin. 

I suspect very strongly that my husband is gay and want to confront him, but I am not sure if it will end my marriage. So, before I face him, I want to ensure that I am convinced about his sexuality. 

So, is my husband gay? Yes, he is, but how do I deal with it?

What? Are you insinuating that your husband is gay?

Many women go through this phase of confusion and wonder—is my husband gay or my boyfriend gay? And no woman wants to discover that her partner is gay.

If you are a woman like Sayani, don’t fret. You are not alone! It happens more frequently than you might think. There are a few signs of a gay husband or gay boyfriend that you should know before you confirm that they are gay. 

Also, finding out about your husband’s sexuality is one thing; dealing with such a situation is another and more challenging one.

Many women carry this feeling all the way from the beginning of their relationship or marriage. And to many of them, it comes as a surprise. But one common thing is that this feeling can devastate relationships and become toxic to families, especially when children are involved. 

Most women confront their partners, exit the marriage, and feel relieved from the long, painful marriage. At the same time, others decide to adjust, sacrifice, and compromise in marriage and stick to the so-called sacred bond of marriage, regardless of their partner’s sexual orientation. Their primary motivation is to keep their families functional, their children happy, and their image in society intact.

But is it worth putting your mental health and emotional well-being at risk? It is a proven fact that sexual frustration can lead to depression. And how about your husband? He may also be stuck wanting to lead a happy and guilt-free life.

So, is it justified to remain in a marriage without any convergence? Is it worth overlooking your self-respect for the sake of your marriage? Is your husband ready to give up his sexuality for marriage’s sake?

In all probability, your husband is looking to break free. And if not now, later in life, he surely will.

These are the questions all women who discover that their husband is gay need to address before taking a call, especially in a mixed-orientation marriage. 

Coming back to your husband’s sexuality. By now, one thing is pretty sure: if you are at a stage where you are thinking about your man’s sexuality, it is most likely that he is gay or bisexual because there is no smoke without fire.

But hold on!

Before you confirm your feelings that your boyfriend or husband is gay, confront them, and risk your marriage, it is better to look out for a few signs of a gay husband.

Is he, or is he not?

The only way to know the truth is to confront your husband head-on. And if he is leading a secret life and not being honest about his sexuality, it is best to find out now.

But before we advise you on what to do next, you should know that it is sometimes normal to question such a thing. And more often than not, if you doubt your man only because he is self-obsessed, full of vanity, hangs out with other men, and gets too emotional, you’re probably mistaken. These things do not necessarily make your partner gay.

So, unblock your mind and overcome these overtly ridiculous conventions about gay men.

But if it is not so and you strongly suspect something is wrong, then it’s time to figure it out.

Signs your husband is in the closet

If you suspect that your husband may be hiding his sexual orientation and is in the closet, here are some signs to consider:

You are free to draw your own conclusions!

Below are the signs that your husband is gay and may be in the closet.

1. He is a homophobe 

If your husband or partner displays unusually aggressive behaviour towards someone who is gay or queer, he may be gay himself.

Indeed, people often lash out at those who embrace characteristics they do not like about themselves. It is an alarming sign if you find your husband exhibiting extreme homophobia. He could have a deep-seated emotional problem with his sexuality that he has never dealt with at the right time. 

Also, did you notice if your husband often cracks gay jokes and has distressingly high rage towards the LGBTTQQIAAP community and other homosexual men? If so, either he is genuinely opposed to homosexuality or gay. But at least let us consider this possibility.

2. He is not sexually into you

If your husband is gay, he will avoid getting intimate with you or cuddling you and may lack the desire to consummate with you. Also, for obvious reasons, gay men are not passionate about women in bed. They may also not go down on women during intimate moments, and their performance may feel more mechanical than natural. You may also notice your husband is in a different mental zone while consummating, or you may find it difficult to arouse him despite those performance enhancers you discovered in his closet.

So, if you constantly find it difficult to arouse your husband, it could be either a medical problem or, worse, he may be gay. And if he is gay, he longs to fulfil his desires elsewhere.

3. His behaviour is inconsistent 

Is your husband emotionally inconsistent? Does he exhibit extreme mood swings? If yes, then it is something to worry about.

Gay men often marry or get committed to women under societal pressure or because they struggle with their sexual identity. But this is not it. There could be other reasons they enter into a marriage with a woman. 

Gay men have to go through a lot. They may experience self-conflict, inner turmoil, dilemmas, guilt, shame, repentance, and fear. Consequently, one day, they may feel happy about having a beautiful life, a loving wife, and beautiful children. In contrast, on other days, they may feel lonely and frustrated. They often experience unexplained urges toward other men.

So, when they are happy and guilt-free, they take care of their wives and families, plan an outing, and surprise their wives with dinner. And at other times, they are rude, and their absence is unexplained. Sometimes, they are busy partying with their male friends or on unexpected business trips and are extra sensitive about their mobile phones. 

The point is that gay men often exhibit inconsistent behaviour that you cannot predict. 

So, inconsistent behaviour, unexplained mood swings, clubbed with other signs that make him doubt his sexuality can hint at his dissatisfaction with himself regarding his sexual orientation. Moreover, if you sense that he is hiding something and is not interested in you, he is gay.

If you find out that your husband has been watching gay adult content, reading about issues related to homosexuality, or have been talking to other gay men, then it is not just curiosity. His digital trail speaks a lot about his sexuality.

4. He has an endless list of new male friends 

Does your husband always keep busy taking calls from other men you do not know of? And you find it weird to see the rate at which his male friend’s list grows. You also wonder why he always has new male friends and the old ones suddenly disappear.

What is more surprising is that you never know how or where they met, and your husband doesn’t freely discuss it. If it is so, it is something to be concerned about. These men may not be his friends, but something more than that.

Another thing to note is that if he prefers to hang out with handsome young boys, not even his age, you may find this a little off.

So, if you have been observing this pattern and he loves hanging out with young boys and spends much time with them, be concerned.

5. He loves spending time with one man

Men typically do not hang out in a one-to-one setting. They prefer to hang out in groups, have a beer, play sports, and chill. If your man is spending too much alone time with one man and seems very fond of him, it could be a sign that he is gay.

Trust your instinct if you sense that his intimacy with the other man is not normal or that intimacy is what you deserve.

6. He checks out other men

It is perfectly fine to check other people out. But when you see your partner often checking out other hot men and immediately realize that something is not right in your partner’s eyes, it is a matter of concern. It is time to trust your intuition if you sense lust, attraction, or a different vibe when you see him ogling other men.

On the other hand, he does not acknowledge the hottest woman as she passes by. While it is a matter of pride when your man does not check other women out, not paying heed to even the sexiest one is a little bit odd. Come on; every man checks out the hot chicks. And if you feel a little strange about this, it is not his loyalty to be proud of but his sexuality to be worried about.

7. He is self-obsessed and full of unexplained vanity

It is good to practice self-love, and vanity is fair. Men now spend much time grooming themselves, hitting the gym, and caring for their skin. There is nothing wrong with that.

But if your man is extra with his vanity fetish, obsessed with how he looks, spends a lot of time in the gym, and is too concerned with his physique, skin, and hairstyle, that seems odd to you; then again, trust your instinct. 

One more thing to notice here is that all men and women shave their private parts. If you discover that your husband shaves his bunghole and keeps it clean all the time, and you find it weird, especially since he does not even let you touch him, it clearly indicates that he is gay. He is actually grooming himself for other men. 

Another thing to note is if he is fond of adult toys, especially the ones like a di*do, that he wants you to use on him to stimulate his prostate. If that’s the case, your husband is gay.

8. He is not jealous

Jealousy is a very normal feeling. Your man should ideally feel jealous when a male colleague or special male friend approaches you and when you spend more time with them. And it is natural to feel possessive or insecure.

But do you think your husband lacks the feelings of possessiveness, insecurity, and jealousy when it comes to you? Is he always more than fine if you hang out with other men? Or does he give an understandable reaction when you tell him that other men lech over you in the gym? Moreover, you feel he gets insecure and very possessive of his special male friend. In either case, something is not right, and that something is most probably that he is gay.

Is my husband gay quiz

A lot of women search for the “How Do I Know If My Husband Is Gay Quiz,” “How to Tell if Your Husband is Gay Quiz,” or “Gay Scenario Quiz.” So here is the quiz that will help you be doubly sure about your husband’s authentic sexuality. All you need to do is answer the following questions from your daily life with a simple “yes” or “no.”

My husband is gay; what do I do now?

Okay, so the next question is that my husband is gay, so what do I do now? Now that you know the signs of a gay husband, do not be frightened to talk to him if you see these things knocking on your door.

The best strategy is to talk to your partner and confront him. But a word of caution is to be thoughtful and empathetic toward how you approach your partner. If confronted bluntly, he will deny or become defensive. Your husband may be in denial about his sexuality. Or, at worst, if he is not gay, he can feel offended and even turn hostile. 

Here are a few tips to reclaim your life:

1. Collect the evidence and substantiate your claims

Yes, I understand you suspect your husband to be gay, but it is a big question to pose to your partner. So before you take a step ahead, think of it again, re-evaluate all the signs of a gay husband, and collect relevant evidence. When confronted, your partner may deny being gay or accept it immediately.

What if he denies it, and you know the truth? In such a condition, substantiating your claims with these pieces of evidence will come in handy.

2. Talk to your husband head-on; converse, but do not confront!

Instead of worrying and getting tense, you should act like an adult and initiate a conversation with your partner. Do not confront him, and try to understand what is going on in his life. Tell him you suspect such a thing, and ask him to open up and share his innermost feelings.

But before you converse, prepare yourself for reality and the possible outcomes. Your husband may bluntly accept his sexuality, or he may deny it. If he accepts his sexuality, well and good. And if he denies it, you have enough proof to substantiate your claims.

It is better to tell him that you know the truth and that you will appreciate honesty.

3. Understand his side of the story

Since you have invested much time and energy in this marriage, respect it and show some sympathy. Do not guilt-trip your husband or play a blame game because the damage has already been caused. 

There is no denying the fact that you are heartbroken, feel cheated, and are full of resentment. But it would be beneficial to give him a chance to share his story, struggles, and dilemmas in life. 

It is a proven fact that many gay men do not come out due to guilt, shame, and societal pressures. Life is tough for gay people; they often feel alone, marginalized, and ignored. Most gay men have been a victim of bullying at some point in their lives. In a society like ours, being a member of the LGBTQIAAPP is still taboo and looked down upon.

Consequently, many gay men often end up marrying women due to societal pressure. Some gay men deny their sexuality or wish to change it due to the stigma attached. So they take this step to marry women under the false pretence that their marriage will change their orientation with time.

Therefore, please handle this responsibly and maturely. It would be better to extend your support and show empathy. If you connect with him at this level, understand him, and make him comfortable enough to open up, he will accept his sexuality. Or else he will keep lying about it, and your relationship will become more bitter and brittle. I believe ending your marriage as friends rather than enemies is more reasonable.

Here is a beautiful article about why gay men marry straight women. When you read it, you may better be able to relate to their side of the story. And it will make your journey a little easier.

4. Plan your future

By now, you are pretty sure your husband is gay. Whether he accepts it or not, and whether you think it’s fair, you know the truth. You also understand that you are discontent with your marriage. So, it is time to put yourself first and plan your future. And the sooner you exit, the better it is.

Make sure to claim your divorce insurance if you subscribed to it early in your marriage.

There are two options: convince him or convince yourself. In the former case, you cannot convince your partner to become straight. It is the way he was born. He does not have a choice but to change his sexual orientation.

Many women live under the pretext that it is a phase or sexual preference, but it is not valid. If your husband is gay, he was like that and will always be like that. The way you cannot change your orientation, your partner cannot either. So, there is no point in living a life with false hope. It is better to face reality and accept it.

Let us take a scenario where he accepts that he is gay and is ready to sacrifice his parallel life for the sake of his family, you, and the children. But it will not work out. He will eventually break out later in life, and then it will be too late. No one can live a life full of sacrifices and compromises. So why risk the upcoming years and live your life with insecurity?

Nevertheless, I am sure this experience can be devastating, and it is important to understand that this situation you are in is nobody’s fault. It is quite okay to feel upset, resentful, and angry. In fact, I get a lot of messages from women explaining how they feel wronged and that they can not forgive their gay husbands. They are right when they feel that hiding your sexuality under the garb of marriage is cruel and that no one has the right to use a woman as a shield or a tool to fake the marriage and destroy their lives. They feel that discovering your husband cheating on you with other men is excruciatingly traumatic. A woman even emailed me the other day saying she has suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) since the time she discovered her husband was gay.

There is no denying the fact that discovering that your husband is gay can be traumatic and hurtful beyond cognition. But it is also true that you must forget, forgive and move on, not for anyone else, but for yourself.

One of my friends who discovered that her husband was gay said:

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It is worse than plain cheating because missing such a big fact makes you doubt yourself and destroys your confidence in your ability to discern reality from fiction. It’s the worst betrayal imaginable. In this horror film, you panic that you might now have HIV. Forgive? How can I??

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Yes, it is really disturbing, and no one deserves this. But you can not reverse it or hang your husband to death. So, it is better to convince yourself and take a stand. And the best way is to plan a peaceful exit and restart your life. You should take this with a pinch of salt and accept that sometimes shit happens and that it is time to get unstuck, move on, and recreate yourself. You should regain your perspective and look at the positive side of life. Make a sound plan to rebuild yourself after you exit your marriage. 

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Take this Quiz: Are you stuck in the past? Change the Script and be the hero.

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It is also important to understand that your partner is also in pain and emotional distress. He did not choose his sexuality or be attracted to people of the same gender. But yes, he did wrong when he masked his sexuality and married you, regardless of his challenges. 

What is wrong is wrong and should not be justified.

Having said that, you should focus on your own betterment and not fire your homophobic backlash on him. If you deal with negativity with a more positive approach, you will find a better solution that works best for you. 

You may speak to a marriage counsellor or psychologist to smoothen the separation process. If your husband is not opening up to you directly, the chances are that he will be more comfortable opening up about his sexuality, his challenges, and his journey in front of the counsellor.

While some couples compromise and stay married, others part ways. If you decide to move on, the first year will apparently be the toughest, and ending your marriage will be the most difficult decision of your life. Although moving on and letting go will consume you and take some time, it will eventually liberate you.

So be a better person, forgive, and forget the past. And when you do so, you eventually reclaim your happiness and recreate your life story.

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