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Indeed, relationships and successful marriages often demand some compromise and sacrifice for the larger good, but there are still a few things you should never sacrifice for a relationship.
A healthy relationship is defined by love, commitment, respect, companionship, and care. It consists of two people who come together to make a life with each other. And more often than not, partners meet halfway on life decisions like working on common goals or resolving conflicts. But sometimes, things don’t go how you want them to be, and you may feel drained in your relationship. You may think your partner’s contribution is questionable, and you are probably the only one making compromises and sacrifices to make this relationship work.
So how to go about it now?
My father often equates relationships to running cars and partners as the wheels. The vehicle will manoeuvre successfully only when all the wheels are aligned and work in harmony. If even one of the tires becomes flat or is not aligned, the progression gets hampered or completely halted. Similarly, if one of the partners sacrifices a lot in a relationship, how can your relationship progress?
When one partner sacrifices and compromises more than the other, it leads to disharmony, imbalance, and inequity in relationships, making it toxic. It can even halt your relationship from progressing.
Indeed, relationships and successful marriages often demand some compromise and sacrifice for the larger good, but there are still a few things you should never sacrifice for a relationship.
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As per American Psychology Association, about 40-50% of married couples in the United States end up with divorce, and this divorce rate is surprisingly higher for second marriages. While there could be many reasons for divorce, one of the main reasons is incompatibility and feelings of inequity. So how do the feelings of injustice seep in so easily?
The answer lies in understanding the issues related to sacrifice and compromise. Making a marriage work indeed calls for teamwork, understanding, compromise, and even sacrifice to make things work in the long term. But as they say that the excess of anything is bad, it also holds for sacrifice and compromise.
So, if you are mindlessly overdoing it, it’s time to stop. It would help if you defined your boundaries to determine the sacrifice you can make while keeping your well-being in mind. And if nothing is working, it is time to rethink your relationship rather than strolling mindlessly in a life that’s no more yours.
What happens when you sacrifice too much in a relationship?
In a relationship, two partners come together, make adjustments, and even sacrifice and compromise to keep their relationship alive. But when one of the partners sacrifices and compromises more than the other, it can lead to resentment, bitterness, and anger. These feelings are not good for the person holding them but can also destroy the relationship itself. Single-sided efforts seldom work and often lead to undesirable outcomes.
Also, sacrificing too much in a relationship can break the person mentally and cause emotional wounds that may never heal. These feelings start manifesting in the relationship, only to weaken it.
So, when you are sacrificing too much, it denotes imbalances in relationships and is a perfect recipe for long-term resentment and unhappiness.
Sacrifice vs Compromise
What is the difference between sacrifice and compromise?
While relationships and marriages require some sacrifice and compromise to help them grow, there are a few differences between sacrifice and compromise that you should clearly know.
Compromise in a relationship is a kind of team effort where you and your partner work together towards achieving a common goal by resolving conflicts and disagreements. The essence of compromise is mutual effort– where both the partners give up something to achieve something to win as a couple. When both the partners agree to make time for parents or kids, save money or figure out family plans, it is an example of compromise.
On the other hand, sacrifice is a solo effort by one of the partners in a relationship. Sacrifice often is a solitary act by one of the partners to make the relationship work by giving up something important. This single-sided act of giving up your career, family, friends, or dreams to make time for kids or your partner is a sacrifice. When you sacrifice for the wrong reason, or your efforts go unacknowledged, it can lead to resentment and anger.
So before we know about the things you should never sacrifice for a relationship, it is good to distinguish between sacrifice and compromise. There is often a clear line between the two that gets blurred over time, and you may suddenly find yourself sacrificing more often than compromising.
Here are the differences between sacrifice and compromise that you should watch out for:
1. Compromise is mutual, and sacrifice is one-sided
In a compromise, partners try to arrive at a decision mutually, iron out differences, and figure things out to make their relationship work. Both partners take a few steps toward each other to make things work, achieve equilibrium, and move forward in life.
In sacrifice, one partner often makes one-sided efforts to make the relationship work. While one partner is always taking a few steps toward the other, the other partner doesn’t bother much and chooses to stand still or take a step back. It means that one partner is mostly adjusting and working against their will to drag the relationship.
As a result, a relationship predominantly defined by sacrifices will not work, but a relationship based on healthy compromises will surely do.
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2. Sacrifice can lead to resentment, while compromise doesn’t
Compromise often means the partners come together to face a challenging situation that seems difficult to cross. And the best way to resolve this is to have both the partners agree to a common ground, make some shifts in their behaviour and make new arrangements in the best interest of their relationship.
Although it is not a fun thing to do, it will not cause resentment between lovers. Yes, it can be intimidating or difficult initially, but it is the best solution to keep the relationship going.
On the other hand, sacrifice may lead to a lot of resentment, especially in the partner who is sacrificing the most in a relationship. So, if you are the only one making adjustments or altering your behaviour, going against your fundamental values, or giving away something you hold in high regard, you clearly are sacrificing.
The worst part is that you often find yourself repeatedly stuck in the loop of sacrificing, and your partner doesn’t recognize or acknowledge the same. Therefore, a relationship in which one person sacrifices a lot will surely not work as it leads to resentment, anger, and even grudge.
My relationship advice for couples or marriage advice would be to talk to your partner and communicate openly. You should be able to explain your feelings about the things that are not working anymore to safeguard your interest, chart a clear-cut path, and bounce back to a healthier relationship. Remember that holding onto resentment in your marriage and carrying a grudge will hurt you more than anyone else. So, communicate openly with your partner, and navigate past your anger and resentment to set yourself free.
Are you holding onto resentment? Find out!
Signs you are sacrificing too much in your relationship!
There are a few signs that indicate that you are sacrificing too much in your relationship, and those are:
- You always show your love and appreciation, but your partner doesn’t reciprocate the same.
- You are the only one trying to keep the relationship alive, and your partner never acknowledges your efforts.
- You often do the heavy lifting, adjusting your life repeatedly and giving up the things vital to you.
- Your partner’s happiness seems like a constant chore that you feel you can never attain. And to top it up, your happiness is not of his concern.
- You babysit your partner’s emotions too often and make serious attempts to heal him. But when it comes to you, he doesn’t seem to care.
- You have changed essential things about yourself but feel that you are not enough.
- You are the only one making adjustments in your relationship.
- You do not support your partner’s lifestyle and often crib about it. But to no avail.
- You have no friends left anymore, and you have lost touch with your family for the sake of your relationship.
- You are continually living in stress and anxiety, and your partner doesn’t care.
- You are not happy anymore. You have become bitter and resentful.
Are you sacrificing in a relationship quiz
Here is a quiz you should take to know if you are sacrificing too much in a relationship. Pose these questions to yourself and answer them yes or no.
- Have you sacrificed your career, family, friends, value system, ambition, beliefs, or either one for your relationship?
- Have you lost your inner peace and eternal happiness with time being in a relationship?
- You no longer feel confident, beautiful, and desired in your relationship?
- You have given up on your hobbies, interests, and desires for your partner, which goes primarily unrecognized.
- Have you lost being yourself and altered your personality for the sake of your relationship?
- Do you often find yourself compromising with your self-esteem or self-respect and have considerably lowered your self-worth over time?
- Do you feel emotionally abused, gaslighted, manipulated, or even bullied in your relationship?
- Do you feel insecure in your relationship and sense infidelity somehow?
- Do you feel resentful, angry, anxious, and unsatisfied most of the time in your relationship?
- Do you find yourself sacrificing more than compromising? And are you the only one making adjustments in the relationship?
- Do you feel something is not right, or something is off in your relationship?
If the answer to most questions is yes, you are on the receiving end of your relationship. You need to stand up for yourself and address the issue head-on. Only you can save yourself from drowning down deeper in the swamp. So, pull up your socks and take charge of your life. Let not others disregard you and take away what is rightfully yours!
10 things you should never sacrifice for a relationship
1. Yourself
Never change yourself for anyone, not even your better half. Your partner chose you for who you are. If they now expect you to change, alter your personality or let go of your authentic self, it is time to rethink your relationship. Although some minute compromises are required to make your relationship work, expecting to change your fundamental self is entirely unreasonable.
A change you harness from within is okay, but demand from outside is not.
A partner who truly loves you will continue to love you the way you are. Your partner will embrace your positive traits as much as your negative ones and accept you for who you really are. So choose to be yourself unapologetically.
2. Your Values
Everyone has their fundamental core values concerning their notion of a relationship. Being in respectful, honest, and monogamous relationships is a core value I vouch for. It is okay to have deal-breakers. You have yours, and your partner has theirs. So, if being the only one in your married or love life is a non-negotiable rule, stand by it. If you desire your relationship this way, make it very clear and never sacrifice your values for anyone. Infidelity is a deal-breaker. Make it clear, out & loud! Your values are sacrosanct, don’t compromise!
3. Your freedom
Do you often find yourself checking with your partner before going out? Or do you feel guilty about spending time with friends and family? If yes, it shows that you are sacrificing your freedom. And it is not worth sacrificing your freedom for anything.
The reason why your partner is encouraging such behavior can stem from various issues, such as childhood trauma, bad experience, or lack of confidence in themselves. It directly hints toward their controlling nature and deep-rooted insecurities that often are unhealthy signs.
Your freedom is non-negotiable, and you are free to make your choices in life. Your partner should give you freedom and respect your decisions as long as you are not causing severe harm to them by overdoing it and prioritizing non-essential things over your relationship.
4. Your desire to explore
Everyone has desires and dreams that keep them going. If you are an adventurous person who loves to try new things in life, your partner should be the first person to support you and encourage you. They should motivate you to take risks, satiate your curiosity, explore new territories and grow as a person. After all, life is all about new experiences, and your partner can make you experience them. Even if your partner is not an adventure person or a seeker like you are, they should not hold you back from trying new things. It will definitely help your relationship go a long way. So your desire to explore is not worth sacrificing for!
5. Your dreams and interests
Every person has dreams and interests that keep going. If your dreams, interests, or hobbies are not damaging, illegal, or detrimental to your personal life, your partner should be able to help you chase those dreams rather than be an impediment to them.
Your relationship is your support system and should be a platform to further your dreams. So, if your partner pulls you away from your dreams or consciously stops you from working towards them, they don’t deserve you. In fact, your partner should encourage you to pursue your hobbies and interests and be happy to see you living the life you want in the way you want! Your partner should side with you in your endeavors rather than fight against you in the ring. Never sacrifice your dreams and interests for anyone, not even a relationship.
6. Your self-worth
Everyone has self-respect and a sense of self-worth. And no one is allowed to puncture that! If you have a partner trying to perforate your self-respect and rupture your self-esteem, it is time to give it back to them. In fact, your partner should make you feel confident and uplift your self-worth, not the other way around. So, if your partner is constantly making you feel miserable, blaming you, putting you down, or holding you responsible for everything, it is time to move on. It is one of the most important things you should never sacrifice for a relationship.
Recommended Read: Knowing When to Let Go of a Relationship! 4 Signs it’s Time To Move On.
Your partner should make you feel desired, beautiful and confident, regardless of your relationship stage. So, do not sacrifice your self-respect for anyone. Continuing your relationship at the cost of your self-respect is not worth even a try.
Also, look out for signs of emotional abuse in your relationship. If you feel you are being controlled by your partner by tactics of emotions, embarrassment, shame, blame game, gaslighting, criticism, physical and verbal abuse, or bullying, immediately work on your exit plan.
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7. Your personal space
We all have three-dimension access to our lives- Public, Personal and Private. While public life refers to your social interactions with the outside world, personal life has to do with your family, partner, and a selected few and is protected from your public life. The third dimension is private life which refers to your own exclusive space that you may want to keep just for yourself. Your private life is protected from both- your public and personal life that you want to keep just with yourself and not share with anyone else.
For your mental well-being, you want to have some alone-time or me-time, where you can reflect on your life, face your fears and resolve inner conflicts. It is perfectly healthy to seek your private life. All that matters is that you give some time to yourselves, process your emotions, and attend to your own needs. And when you do that, it will make you more self-aware and connected to your inner self.
When you start your relationship, it is normal to be completely into each other during the honeymoon or courtship stage. But spending some time alone daily is the sanest thing you can do in your life as you progress in your relationship. A partner who can’t respect your personal space or denies giving you the same can be detrimental to your well-being and shall be dealt with immediately.
8. Your family and social support system
Now it is a real problem with most relationships! I have personally witnessed such cases, where newly married people break all bonds with their friends and even families. While spending quality time with your spouse and building your new life is good, it should never lead to abandoning your family and friends.
When people get married, it is quite common for them to go underground for an initial couple of months, after which normal life resumes as the dust settles. But it is unacceptable if your partner expects you to cut off ties with your loved ones for your life. Why would anyone do that? Your social and familial relations should not suffer because you are married or have a partner. On the contrary, your partner should encourage you to have a social life and make conscious efforts to be a part of it. A good partner is not only confident of you but also integrates well with your social life.
So if you are sacrificing your family or loved ones just because your partner expects you to do so, it is nothing but a possessive behavioral trait of your partner. You need to understand that family is everything, and someone who takes you away from them is not worth your commitment.
9. Your spiritual beliefs
Practising your faith or religion is your own choice and your right. And your partner should never ask you to depart from your beliefs or force you to adopt new ones. Some people change their religion after marriage, but it should be an internal change, not a forced decision or a condition.
No relationship is worth sacrificing your religious or fundamental value system. Your partner should instead be a part of your spiritual journey, encourage you, and grow with you rather than pivoting you in the direction of his own faith.
10. Your happiness and inner peace
Happiness and inner peace are the ultimate goals of life. Your partner should be able to bring happiness and calmness to your relationship. Your relationship should vibrate positive energies and help you find your inner peace rather than keeping you insecure, unhappy, resentful, and anxious. And if you are not happy or are in a relationship that is not fulfilling, then it is time to rethink your association. While it is true that happiness is a choice, you can choose to be happy by focusing on things you should never sacrifice for a relationship.
Making your relationship work is the art of balancing life and choosing between being flexible and rigid. Sometimes you will have to compromise and be flexible to keep things moving positively. And there will also be a time to hold your ground, stay put on what you believe in, and say no while staying true to yourself and not sacrificing yourself for anyone.
What other things do you think one should never sacrifice for a relationship? If you have a piece of advice to offer, please share your thoughts in the comments section below. We would love to hear from you!
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