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Yeah, you read it right. You have a relationship with yourself that you are either not aware of or are neglecting. But it is something important to think about and reflect on. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for your emotional well-being. It is also a gateway to a healthy and happy relationship with others. And being kind to yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself. I believe a healthy relationship with oneself is what gets one through all, thick and thin!
So let’s talk about it because awareness is the first step to self-development.
I never knew the value of my relationship with myself until I suffered the extreme cost of lacking it. But you do not have to go through the same. Put yourself in this condition: imagine that you are in a relationship with someone you do not love, think about, spend time with, or find worthless and is not good enough. And imagine you have to be with this person for the rest of your life. How would you feel? Would you be able to sustain this relationship for life long? In this case, the person in question is yourself. You have to live your life with yourself. And if you are not taking care of yourself, how would you live a happy and peaceful day-to-day life? And to do so, you should evaluate your relationship with yourself first.
What does it mean to have a relationship with yourself?
There are various relationships we forge in life. We form relationships with our family, friends, and at the workplace. But we often neglect the most fundamental of all relationships- the one with yourself! It is unarguably the most important relationship in life. I prefer to call this self-relationship– a relationship that you have with yourself! And this self-relationship is the basis of everything else.
Having a relationship with yourself means understanding and acknowledging your own thoughts, feelings, and values and treating yourself with the same compassion and care that you would extend to someone you love.
This involves practicing self-awareness and self-reflection, as well as taking actions that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It means recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, setting goals and boundaries that align with your values, and making choices that honor your needs and desires.
A healthy relationship with yourself also involves accepting yourself for who you are rather than trying to fit into someone else’s expectations or ideals. This includes acknowledging and learning from mistakes, forgiving yourself for past missteps, and treating yourself with kindness and empathy.
Ultimately, having a positive relationship with yourself can lead to greater self-confidence, resilience, and a deeper sense of inner peace and contentment.
So you should nurture your relationship with yourself first. And just like any relationship, your relationship with yourself is also based on trust, communication, respect, and love.
What is self-relationship?
A self-relationship is a relationship you have with yourself! Self-relationship refers to connecting with your inner self, trusting yourself, depending on yourself, and nurturing yourself. A positive self-relationship is the basis for your positive attitude and behaviour, while a negative self-relationship leads to undesired behaviours, emotions, and unhealthy relationships with others.
Now take a moment and ask these questions to yourself:
- How do you treat yourself?
- How do you intercommunicate with yourself?
- What do you think of your inner self?
- How much do you trust yourself?
- How much do you love yourself?
- Do you confide in yourself?
- Do you have confidence in yourself?
- Do you spend time with yourself?
- Do you take care of yourself and focus on your holistic health?
- Do you treat yourself the way you treat your friends and family?
- Do you value yourself?
By now, you would have gotten your answers about the status of your relationship with yourself. Your answers to these questions precisely indicate how is your relationship with yourself.
But very often, our relationship with ourselves is a conditional one!
Importance of your relationship with yourself?
Your self-relationship is crucial to your healthy development. It is not only the foundation of your emotional well-being but also helps you forge meaningful relationships with others.
When they say that your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have, they are cent percent right. Your relationship with yourself is the blueprint for all the relationships in your life. A positive self-relationship will set a positive tone for every other relationship you forge. A negative self-relationship, on the other hand, will lead to undesirable behaviours in relationships you form with others. When you alter your relationship with yourself, it changes all your relationships with others accordingly. When you connect to yourself, you start to make informed decisions while ensuring all your priorities are met, and you become more effective in attending to others.
“The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
In our lives, we forge meaningful relationships with others. We understand what they like, what they do not like, and what is good and what is not. But do you know what you want and what you don’t? Do you please yourself the way your please others? If your answer is no, you need to put yourself first and cultivate a healthy and fulfilling relationship with yourself.
Signs that you have a weak relationship with yourself
There are a few signs that hint that you have a weak relationship with yourself, such as:
- You often indulge in critical self-talk.
- You always judge yourself.
- You often neglect your own needs to please others.
- You act as others want you to act and find it difficult to say no.
- You neglect your emotions.
- You do not know what you want.
- You do not trust yourself. And therefore, you trust others’ opinions over yours.
- You blame yourself even when you are not at fault.
- You do not take care of yourself or give yourself time.
- You are not true to yourself.
- You do not listen to yourself.
- You do not value yourself.
Why do you have a weak relationship with yourself?
We learn the concepts of love, self-care, and relationships at a very young age. We internalize how we were treated by our primary caretakers. We also internalize how they treated themselves. As we grow up, we learn from our environment, and our relationship with others in childhood shapes our relationship with ourselves. In fact, the way we are treated by others and the way those people treat themselves influences how we address ourselves as we grow up. For example, children with parents who maintained a balance between their demands and their own needs grow up to have a better self-relationship. Such children grow up and focus on their aspirations without neglecting others’ needs.
So if you were someone who was always questioned in your childhood for your choices, decisions, and expressions, there are higher chances that your trust in yourself is shaky. If your primary caretaker always spoke critically of oneself, never prioritized oneself, and always took care of others only, the chances are that you internalize these emotions. You are more likely to put others first, ignore your emotions, and please others. And as a result, you consider that what people expect from you is more important to you, and you may find it difficult to say no. These are the signs that you are carrying a wounded inner child within you. And to heal and reparent your wounded inner child, you must cultivate a meaningful relationship with yourself first.
No doubt, these patterns tend to help us in our early environment because that is what our parents believed, and we were dependent on them. Hence, it gets strengthened into our autopilot mechanisms.
Having said that, whatever your conditions are, it is always good to be aware of your relationship with yourself. It will help you heal emotionally and make you reclaim your happiness. If you have a healthy relationship with yourself, even when things go bad around, you can rely on yourself and pick yourself up to go ahead with love and compassion. It becomes very difficult when you yourself are the one beating yourself up! So how to build a healthy relationship with yourself? Let’s find out!
How to build a healthy relationship with yourself?
So now that you are aware of the importance of self-relationship let’s figure out how to improve your relationship with yourself and launch the most authentic and effective version.
A healthy association with ourselves is not single-layered. In fact, it is multi-layered. And it is complicated. Just like other relationships we have with other people, our relationship with ourselves is also multi-dimensional. It involves spending time with yourself, proactively listening to and caring for yourself. And to do so, you must check in with yourself regularly and examine your feelings. Also, you should regularly ask yourself these questions:
- How am I taking care of my needs and myself?
- How do I indulge in self-love and self-care practices?
- How do I make time for these self-care practices?
- How content am I with my professional as well as personal life?
- How are my current relationships with others?
- What changes do I need to make to improve the quality of these relationships?
- Am I spending quality time with myself? What are the most time-consuming and emotionally exhaustive activities in my day?
- Am I content with the time I am spending on these activities? What changes can I make to set myself free?
- Do I feel connected to the things I think are important, valuable, and meaningful for my well-being?
Answers to these questions will clearly indicate the need to forge a healthy relationship with yourself.
How to build and improve your relationship with yourself?
Here are 7 simple yet effective tips for cultivating and developing a relationship with yourself. Once you practice these things, you will heal your relationship with yourself!
1. Be your own best friend and spend time with yourself
It is as clear as it sounds. If you are not befriending your own company, who else will? Trust yourself, confide in yourself, and share with yourself. Spend quality me-time and lend patient ears to your innermost feelings the way you do with your BFF. Trust me, it is the only relationship that will last for your lifetime and that is guaranteed to have every day in your life.
Also, make time for yourself daily, talk it out, and contemplate. Focus on you and your mental state of being. One of the best ways is to dedicate 10-30 minutes for yourself daily in the morning. You can sip coffee, read a book, or do whatever soothes you. Once you make time for yourself and invest in it, you see yourself evolving as a mature and healthy individual.
2. Be kind to yourself, practice self-care and let go of your inner critic
The best way to nurture your relationship with yourself is to be kind to yourself by indulging in self-care practices and taking care of your physical and mental health. And one way to do so is to make time for your physical fitness. Also, you should meditate daily to feed positive thoughts to your mind. Apart from this, practicing mindfulness and gratitude goes a long way in taking care of your overall well-being. It is an act of kindness that you shower on yourself. And the more you are kind to yourself, the more you will get back from yourself. So have a proper self-care routine and reconnect with yourself.
Being kind to yourself also means giving up the habit of criticizing yourself. We often are our own internal critics. And when we do it quite often as a habit, we feed negative thoughts into our minds. Would you criticize your best friend or your colleagues for the way you do it to yourself? So lower the voice of your inner critic, greet yourself with positive communication and thoughts, and see yourself becoming your best friend.
3. Practice self-acceptance and let go of your inner perfectionist
You are a human being, and all humans have flaws, their own insecurities, and fears. So embrace yourself and embrace your whole being. It means you should listen to your inner voice, come to terms with your conflicts, and acknowledge your shortcomings. Respect yourself for who you are and simultaneously heal yourself and your emotions with compassion and love.
Also, try new things and trust yourself to go through with them. It doesn’t matter how it turns out to be. It is all about trusting yourself and your instincts. You should learn to let go of the judgements and stop judging yourself as well. When you judge others, it is a reflection of your inner bias. It reflects your judgemental relationship with yourself too. So let it go and see yourself becoming more mindful of your thoughts and actions. Doing so will help you forge a more meaningful relationship with yourself.
You should also let go of your inner perfectionist, as perfectionism can lead to depression and take a toll on your mental health. So, stop being harsh on yourself and let yourself loose. When you seek perfection in every aspect of your life, you tell yourself that you are not good enough. And as you let this perfection-seeking behaviour go, you start being more accepting of yourself, become more loving, and exude confidence. In turn, you become more positive and beautiful inside out and attract more positive people into your life.
4. Be true to yourself and put yourself first
Ask yourself if you are a people pleaser who is always seeking approvals. Or are you someone who can’t say no to others and oscillates between ‘to be or not to be?’ Or are you always putting others first and prioritizing others over yourself? Or are you afraid to speak your mind freely and find it difficult to let go? If the answers to these questions are yes, you are not being true to yourself. And when you are not true to yourself, how can you form a healthy relationship with yourself? Once you focus on yourself and stay true to yourself, you will form a more meaningful bond with yourself. It will liberate you and your inner-self so that you both can enjoy a lifelong association.
5. Start journaling and write letters to your younger self
Journaling comes in handy if you want to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself. You should journal and write down your thoughts and emotions to better understand yourself and your feelings. Writing down your feelings unfolds various aspects of your personality and emotions. When you uncover your thoughts, you invariably connect and forge a strong bond with yourself.
Also another good practice is to write letters to your former self or younger self. Once you do so, you heal yourself emotionally. And when you heal yourself emotionally, you develop a long-lasting bond with yourself.
6. Surround yourself with positive people
The way your relationship with other people cannot survive without friends and people around you; your relationship with yourself also cannot survive without a community. When you have positive people around you, who treat you well and fit in your goals, it makes your life journey easy and worthwhile. Also, when you surround yourself with people who have positive relationships with themselves, you imbibe positivity. These people become your role models. And they become a motivating force for you to forge meaningful relationships with yourself first.
7. Get in touch with your higher self
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful relationship with yourself is to connect with your higher self and find your higher purpose in life. For example, ask yourself what the essence of your being is and what your role is in this world. Find out if your intuition is your higher self. And do you seek to help people in life for the larger good of humanity? When you connect with yourself at a deeper level, you find your purpose in life and understand your role in the universe. It will transform your association with yourself and everyone else in your life.
Healing your relationship with yourself is a process of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-care. Remember, healing your relationship with yourself is a journey that takes time, patience, and practice. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate the progress you make along the way.
So these are the tips and strategies that helped me connect with my inner self and cultivate a meaningful relationship with myself. I hope these tips will empower you, too, elevate your mental wellness and help you forge a meaningful relationship with the person who you should value the most-you yourself!
So, stop wasting time on things that you can’t alter or do not have control over. Instead, you should be grateful for your relationship with yourself and the amazing best friend you have to live your life with.
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