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Have you recently walked away from a long-term relationship and ended up filing a divorce in court? And now you are clueless about how to rebuild your life after a divorce? Do not worry; you are not alone! Marriage and divorce are typical experiences, and it is okay to have one. A divorce may seem like the end of the world, but it can be liberating, too. While separation and divorce are painful, sometimes it is better to let it go than cling to it. Yes, you tried your best to save your marriage, but it was beyond repair. So, it is time to rebuild your life by moving on after a divorce and reclaiming your happiness.
If you are still confused about your divorce, it is time to knowย when to let go of a relationship and move on.
Divorce is harsh, painful, and can drain you emotionally. It can take a toll on your personality and health, regardless of how liberating it is. While it is tough to acknowledge a relationship that is no longer working, it is harder to walk away. So, how do you free yourself from the guilt, shame, rejection, and dejection that come with divorce? The only solution is to accept it gracefully and work on rebuilding your life after divorce. Some people end up landing in a rebound relationship, and some people bury themselves in their cocoons. Regardless of your choice, it is more important to work on yourself and rebuild your life after the divorce by investing in a rebuilding phaseโa phase of contemplation, emotional recovery, healing, and rediscovery. There are five steps for moving on after a divorce in this rebuilding phase that you should follow to emerge victorious.
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Do rebound relationships help you move on?ย
As per research, a rebound relationship can help you move on after a divorce, heal your broken heart, and kill your loneliness for some time. However, rebound relationships are not permanent and fail in the long run. The reason people enter a rebound is not true love but their need to bond again and forget the previous pain. And to overcome their loneliness and suffering, people easily fall into a rebound relationship. So, it all starts with finding a shoulder to cry on, leading to attachment, and a rebound is born.
Therefore, it is quite tempting to jump into aย rebound relationshipย after exiting your long-term marriage and comforting yourself. But in your present relationship, you look for elements missing in your last emotional entanglement. For example, you married someone logical but not very affectionate. So you decided to rebound with someone exactly the oppositeโsomeone who fills up your deep emotional voids.
However, some relationship experts advise in favour of rebound relationships to help a person move on from their divorce. Casual sex is moreย advised by SchoolofSquirt.comย and other sex experts, as long as itโs done in a healthy way.โ
Why do rebound relationships fail?
So,ย why do rebound relationships failย more often than not? In a rebound, you feel that you are healing. But it is not the truth. In reality, a rebound may just be a passing phase that you confuse with emotional healing.
The real reasons for your rebound may stem from feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Or it may originate from your need to bond again, keep busy, and avoid being lonely. It is also highly likely that you are on a rebound simply to show it off to your ex.
As time passes, you start healing organically. You start to realize what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how you could have been more diligent in handling your past relationships and marriage. As things start to unravel, your rebound starts to fail. And here you are with another failed relationship in your kitty.
Therefore, a rebuilding phase comes in handy and is the answer to all your problems. It not only helps you rebuild yourself after a divorce but also helps you avoid falling into the trap of finding quick fixes and failing again.ย So, if you are thinking of moving on after a divorce, it is better to invest in a rebuilding phase than a rebound.
Why is it important to invest in a rebuilding phase when moving on from a divorce?
There is often a lot of pain, suffering, and turmoil when you end your marriage or a long-term relationship. It may involve making upside-down changes to your life, like changing cities, careers, and friends. Therefore, you should give yourself some time to understand yourself, your past, and your mistakes and resolve your inner conflicts before making the next major move in your life.
In short, you should invest in a rebuilding phase before moving ahead in your life after your divorce or a failed marriage to minimize your chances of failing again and lead a more successful, fulfilling, and meaningful life. It means you should be working on yourself after the divorce and should rediscover, reinvent, refine, and re-engineer yourself as you prepare to launch a stronger, improvised, and self-actualized version of your personality. It is time to move on after a divorce with confidence.
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5 steps for moving on after a divorce
Moving on is not easy. It takes a lot to rebuild your life and move on, especially after a divorce. But the good news is that there is a better and more fool-proof way of moving on after a divorce and moving forward in your lifeโa way that is more stable, rewarding, and potent.
So, let us learn five steps to rebuild yourself after a divorce!
1. Acknowledge
First, you need to acknowledge and recognize that you need a break from life to rebuild yourself. It means that there is no need to rush into a rebound relationship or confine yourself in a cocoon. Rather, it means accepting your failed marriage and divorce and focusing on yourself. This is the time for you to lick your wounds and heal, contemplate, and take as much time as you want to recreate yourself.
Important points to be noted at this stage are:
- Do not rush, and let the rebuilding phases last as long as it needs to.
- Find a safe place, like a city that is familiar or a location that is close to loved ones, as you retreat to the rebuilding phase.
- Commit to yourself and rely on yourself. This is not a time to enter into another relationship or rebound. The purpose is to focus on you.
- Hold on to your career, your family, and your loved ones. They will be your support in times of distress.
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2. Contemplateย
It is a phase when you should reflect on your life and past relationships with your ex, friends, family, and coworkers. Every relationship that fails or succeeds will have a reason behind it. Try to look through the reasons for the same, figure out why they failed or succeeded, and determine if there is a common pattern emerging out of them. You will be surprised to discover many important aspects of your personality unfolding. Once you determine the reasons, try to figure out how to break such a pattern. Also, utilize this time to understand your emotions and blind spots and contemplate your mistakes.
Important points to be noted at this stage are:
- Reflect on your past relationships and understand the bone of contention (if any). Identify the causes of failed relationships like infidelity, expectations mismatch, circumstances, events, ego, personality clashes, power games, emotional or physical abuse, etc. Determine the factors that are common or predominant in your failed relationships. For example, the need for control was one such thing common in all your past relationships. And if some common theme emerges, you have your answer, and you need to tackle this first.
- Develop a daily habit of reflecting on your life and spending some qualityย me-timeย with yourself first. Use this time to challenge yourself, question your self-limiting beliefs, and reaffirm your core values and beliefs. The idea is toย stay true to yourself.
3. Recuperate
Now that you have analyzed your life, the mistakes, and the common patterns, it is time to accept your mistakes, life choices, decisions, behaviour, and circumstances. Take this as an opportunity to improve yourself, remove your blind spots, work on your shortcomings, and come to terms with yourself. This stage of recuperation also involves understanding your deep-rooted emotions, insecurities, and undesirable behaviours. As you unfold such aspects of your life, you are also working on your path to recovery as you learn from your old mistakes. Make the best use of this stage toย heal yourself emotionally.
Important points to be noted at this stage are:
- Identify your trusted support network, like your friends, family, or mentor, to help you navigate through your past life, events, and emotions as they help you remove your blind spots.
- Make time for your family and indulge inย self-care and self-love practicesย after a breakup.
- Talk about your mistakes and weaknesses with your friends and family. Let them give their opinion. When you speak of your insecurities, mistakes, or troubled life with them, you also become clear, confident, and sorted in the process.
- If you were wrong in your past relationships, reach out to those people you wronged. Seek their forgiveness, regardless of their acknowledgement. It is time to let the guilt go.
- If you are wronged by people, forgive them. Forgive themโnot for them, but for your happiness. It is time toย let go of the resentmentย and drop the grudge.
- You can take recourse to spirituality, meditation,ย gratitude, and yoga. These are strong anchors and will help your wounds heal faster. You can also use journaling to make your recuperation journey easier.
- Take up your hobbies or passions and master your skills. The idea is to focus on things you want that make you happy.
- Overcome bitterness and embrace sweetness.
It is time to evolve as a human being and become a good person with no resentment or guilt.ย
4. Prepareย
Now that you have started rebuilding yourself, it is time to prepare yourself for the coming future in terms of a new relationship, second marriage, or even companionship. At the end of the rebuilding phase, you should be able to find your deal breakers in a relationship based on your value system. Use these filters to find your long-term prospects (second marriage, new partner, or companion).
It is also important to understand that life calls for making some compromises and sacrifices for the greater good of your relationship. Holding on to someone you love and someone who loves you is a matter of great pride and success. If you can sustain your relationship, you will be regarded as someone who is caring, mature, and adaptable. And the one who doesnโt adapt phases out and ends up being replaced. The future belongs to those who are agile, bendable, and empathetic.
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If you are considering a second marriage or a relationship, you should primarily base your decision on things that are important to you and are deal-breakers. All the other parameters are secondary and can be managed with open communication, patience, andย simple life wisdom.
5. Launch
At the end of the rebuilding phase, you will come out to be a sorted, confident, and mature individual. You have successfully navigated through your past life and emotions and have rebuilt yourself from scratch.ย
As you set yourself on a path to self-actualization, you become more accepting, giving, and a beautiful human being in the process. It is time to launch yourself with your best version. Just have trust and faith in yourself, launch yourself with all the positivity, and enjoy a beautiful life that is more meaningful, fulfilling, and happier.ย
Congratulations! You are liberated from the shackles of your life and the shadows of your past. It is a good enough reason to take up things you have always wanted to pursue. While some of you may want to write your story and publish a book, others may want to go ahead in life and remarry, focus on their career, or go for higher studies. Some of you may alsoย patch up with your spouseย and get back together again. Regardless of whatever decision you make, it should be transformational. It should make your life more meaningful, fulfilling, and better. So, whatever you decide to do, you will approach your life with more conviction. The chances of your failure will be less, and you will be sorted internally. It is the right time to channelize your energy in the right direction.
Although divorce or a failed relationship leaves deep scars, they are part and parcel of our emotional evolution. Therefore, do not let your past stop you from following your pursuits as you launch yourself with more conviction and come up stronger with a bang. As time unfolds, the unconnected dots will connect, and you will be able to rebuild yourself after your divorce.
We hope these five steps for moving on after divorce will make you stronger, help you navigate through the recovery period positively, and help you come up strong, determined, sorted, and prepared for an everlasting, fulfilling, and successful long-term relationship.
Moving on after a divorce as a man
When it comes to men, handling divorce can be as stressful as for women. Men who go through a divorce often lose their sense of identity and are stigmatized by society. Moving on after a divorce as a man is a painful process. Men undergoing a divorce pretend to be calm and confident, but they have their share of inner conflicts, guilt, and regret, too. Yes, divorce hurts men too! Men do not cry and seek sympathy, but deep down, they also get hurt due to divorce or a failed marriage.
In fact, the challenges of a man trying to move on after a divorce are doubled, as they canโt weep in public and seek sympathy from the people around them. They deal with it alone and in silence. Their journey is long and painful, but here are a few tips that can make their journey of moving on after divorce easier.
- Share your inner feelings with your close friends, siblings, or family. It is okay to feel weak in front of them. Yes, men do cry! And there is nothing wrong with that. Some clichรฉs exist in our society that do not let men fully express themselves. You should tide past them and be expressive.
- Do not get addicted to alcohol or substance abuse, as it may prolong your recovery process. To move on from a divorce, it is common for men to indulge in binge drinking, work late nights, or have casual encounters with women. But these are just instant gratification and quick fixes. It may mask your pain but not heal it. So, investing in the rebuilding phase mentioned above in the article is better. It is better to embrace loneliness and get to know your true self.
- If you have children, do not let your divorce affect them. It is quite possible to throw your hatred at your ex-wife or blame her in front of your children. But it will do more harm than good. Instead, shower all your love on your kids, spend quality time with them, and be a nice father.
- Do not enter into a rebound or start a new relationship until and unless you are officially free. It is quite tempting to enter into a relationship and feel that you are healing. But it can further worsen your relationship with your spouse. It is better to have a meaningful relationship post-divorce.
Moving on after divorce as a woman
Moving on after divorce as a woman can be a very painful and traumatic journey as it rips her off her identity, self-worth, confidence, and financial security in many cases. It can be a life-changing and transformational decision for a woman. Moving on after a divorce as a woman is not easy. Society has stigmatized divorce. And for women, it is still considered taboo in many cultures. Women struggle to heal as a divorce may cut deep wounds. Some women develop trust issues, undergo depression, and find themselves alone. A woman who is hurting after a divorce may feel wronged and hurt. She can easily become resentful and hold onto a grudge. Her journey is long and painful, but here are a few tips that can make her journey of moving on after divorce easy:
- Take your time to grieve and accept your divorce. There is no shame in divorce, and it is better to move than be in a bad marriage. A falling marriage is a nightmare, but it can be liberating, too!
- Share your concerns, thought processes, and challenges with your loved ones. Speak to your close friends and family members. Sharing will offload much of your pressure and normalize your pent-up feelings.
- Do not feel sorry for yourself. Marriage and divorce should never define who you are or what you will do. It is better to stay strong and focus on your financial, mental, and spiritual health.
- Aim to become financially independent and work on building a life on your own. Financial dependence decreases the self-worth of women, and the opposite is also true. Financial independence is one of the most important things that will help women move on after a divorce.
- Make new friends and practice self-love and self-care. Put yourself first, but do not haste yourself into another relationship or a rebound.
- If you have children, do not let your divorce affect them. It is quite possible to throw your hatred at your ex-husband or blame him in front of your children. But it will do more harm than good. Instead, shower all your love on your kids, spend quality time with them, and be a nice and inspiring mother.
- Do not enter into a rebound or start a new relationship until and unless you are officially free. It is quite tempting to enter a relationship and feel that you are healing. But it can further worsen your relationship with your spouse. You will have a lot of time after your official divorce.
- You should avoid binge drinking, overworking, and casual dating, as they are just quick fixes and not long-term solutions. Instead, you should spend some time alone, accept your divorce, and get to know your real self.
- Invest in a rebuilding phase, as mentioned above in the article, and relaunch yourself.
How long does it take for moving on after a divorce?
Getting over a divorce and recovering from it can take months or years. This recovery depends on the reasons and conditions of the divorce and varies from person to person. However, it may take approximately two years to completely overcome the setback caused by divorce, heal fully, and feel normal again.
Who moves on faster after a divorce?
Some people say men may take more time to overcome divorce than women, while others feel that vice versa is more true. As per a study, 75% of women move on after a divorce faster than men. However, the time taken to overcome a divorce is very subjective and varies from person to person, regardless of gender.
Who suffers most in a divorce?
Divorce is harsh on both men and women. The challenges are real for both genders equally. But it is the children who suffer the most. While men are more prone to experiencing depression, women are more prone to feeling betrayed, resentful, and anxious. Men are less communicative and often retreat into their shells. They may resort to binge drinking, overworking, or casual dating and become more lonely.
Women, on the other hand, may feel deprived of their dignity, feel extreme anger, and hold a grudge. These feelings can become toxic for them, and as a result, they may find it difficult to move on. Having said that, children suffer the most. Divorce may be liberating for both men and women after the brooding period is over. But children never overcome divorce and bear the brunt of it the most.ย
How do you get over a divorce while still in love?
Moving on after a divorce while still in love can be excruciatingly painful and challenging. But if your partner has taken a stand and says they will not be with you anymore, it is highly unlikely that anything can make them change their mindset. So, it is better to acknowledge and accept your divorce. The sooner you accept it, the easier it will be for you to come out of it.
Humans are adaptable beings, and acceptance comes only with time. So, give yourself some time to heal and recuperate. Also, to get over your partner, invest in a rebuilding phase. One thing is certain: You can rebuild and recreate your life. It will not be the same as your previous marriage, but it can be better and more rewarding.
Focus on moving forward in your life rather than living in the false hope of reuniting with your ex. If your partner wanted to come back, they already would have. Sending them occasional emotional texts, checking on them and their well-being, guilt-tripping them, and then getting no response will only make you worse. And what can be more upsetting than listening to โnoโ again? So, let them go and focus on your life! It will hurt, but it will get better with time. And eventually, one fine day, you will feel liberated.
Congratulations! You have made it.
How to move on and rebuild a life after divorce at 40?
Rebuilding life after divorce for people at 40 can look very different from their younger counterparts. Men and women who undergo divorce at 40 are generally well-established in their careers and enjoy enough financial freedom. They have a set job, a set routine, a safe house, and a comfortable life to live. But divorcing at this age can disrupt their entire lives.
Losing your partner to divorce is not easy, as you have lived 10-15 years of life with your spouse. Living together for so long can become a habit, and divorce can create a void. Apart from this, people at this age generally have children, so divorce at 40 or 50 can really be challenging, both for children and parents.
Both men and women can find it very difficult to adjust to new patterns at this age. For example, your spouse understands your preferences and lifestyle, which can only be nurtured with time. You will also have to learn to sleep alone, live your life without your children, or parent them alone. This can be a long, painful, and depressing process, leading to extreme loneliness. So, if you are 40 and want to overcome divorce, then these tips can make your journey easy:
- Prioritize your life over anything else, and make your children part of your priority. Make sure to be available to them, address all their concerns, spend quality time with them, and be a good parent.
- Learn new patterns of life, like making your own breakfast, arranging your wardrobe, sleeping alone, and adjusting to a newly single-parent setup.
- Make time for everything, like children, work, household chores, family, and even your own personal interests. It will keep you busy and help you overcome your divorce easily.
- Divorce in middle age can also be liberating, giving you an immense opportunity to explore yourself and work on your shortcomings. Take this period after the divorce to become more self-aware, evolve as a human being, and recreate your life.
- Do not rush into the dating world or enter into a rebound relationship. Regardless of who initiated the divorce, you need to take your time to heal and move on. Start seeing people only when you are completely out of your marriage, both legally and emotionally.ย
- Sort out the conditions of the divorce, such as alimony, separation, legal process, and child support, and avail counselling services wherever possible.
- Learn to move on by investing in a rebuilding phase, as mentioned in the article above. Moving on after a divorce can be a long and non-linear journey, but it is attainable. There should be a will to heal, and rest will follow.
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