Many of us fear of sounding too demanding, especially when it comes to our relationships. But it is not all without any reason, that too when we are craving to be heard and respected. Sometimes it is not about seeking perfection and expecting the other person to bring us flowers every day and make us feel like the most important person in their life. But it is about expecting and demanding a few things that are the most basic ones. For me, these are the deal-breakers, and when they go missing, it is time to rethink those relationships. I have listed down the 5 most important things in a relationship that you should demand from every single one of them. And you should never shy away from asking these things unapologetically.ย
I have been there! I spent a substantial portion of my life being deprived of a few things in my relationships that I wish I could go back in time and take a stand for.ย
I had a lot of friends. Some of them are still with me, and some I consciously let go of as they consistently failed to assure me of the basic things I always craved for. Initially, I was not cognizant of those things, but then it started affecting my own relationship with myself (are you aware ofย your relationship with yourself?). I started to feel terrible and resentful. I started to despise such relationships as they became harder to enjoy beyond a point. I felt I was being violated more often than not. It is then I realised that I needed to start reading my mind, be honest and speak the truth. I decided to take a stand for my rights rather than feeling resentful all the time.
And to my surprise, I started to lose my friends more!ย
So was I being unfair and too demanding to comprehend? Or was I being unreasonable?ย These thoughts predominated my state of mind. On one side, I wanted to beย true to myself, and on the other, I wanted to maintain peace and retain them. But at what cost? Till the time I kept taking their crap, all was rosy and fine, but once I started demanding things that I thought I deserved well, I witnessed an unexplained exodus.ย
So be it! There were, and there are few things that I demand in every relationship, and I have decided not to compromise with them, not anymore! I am not a people-pleaser and will do only whatโs right. So what are the most important things in a relationship that you should demand unapologetically? Letโs talk about them.
Also Read:ย How to stop being a people-pleaserย and do whatโs right?
What are the most important things in a relationship?ย
There are a few most important things in a relationship that you should demand from every single one of them without any hitch and guilt. Listed below are the things that are important to me and are the most important things to demand from every relationship you forge. When you start taking a stand for yourself and tell them about it head-on, they also start treating you the way you want to be treated. You may lose a few people in the process, but it is worth letting them go for the sake of your own happiness and well-being. These things also act as a kind of reality check, as they make you assess how healthy and fulfilling your relationships are.ย
So, as we go along, ask yourself:ย arenโt these things you want from relationships and every single of them?
1. Respect
Respect is the foundation of all relationships. Didnโt your parents respect you for all the choices you made? Do not you love yourself for whatever you stand for? So, how come you let others disrespect you?
Your respect is beyond any relationship or a man or woman, and you canโt afford to lose it for anyone in this world. There is a fine line that I donโt want anyone to cross, and I stand by it. So should you! And there is nothing wrong withย being true to yourselfย and freely expressing your inner feelings. People have the right to disagree, but they canโt disrespect you for who you are or what you have to say. Difference of opinion is welcome but not disrespect.ย
Respect is one of the most important things in a relationship. It is the basic foundation of all the relationships we develop and is a strong indicator that your relationship with the other person is healthy and will last longer. There is nothing wrong if you demand respect from all your relationships. So start commanding it if you canโt demand it!ย
2. Independence of thoughtsย
As a child, I always enjoyed my right to the independence of my thoughts. My parents took decisions for me but only till a certain point. Beyond that, they gave me all the freedom to have my own autonomy in taking my decisions and steering my life the way I want to. So how can I let others restrict or limit the independence of my thoughts?ย
You are an individual with your own choices, preferences and opinions. You have all the right to express yourself the way you want to, speak freely and stand for whatever you believe in. There should be no second thoughts about that! But if other people restrict you from doing so or try to limit the independence of your thoughts, it is time to show them the mirror.ย
You should never shy away from expressing yourself freely and putting forward your point of view. Your friends and significant others should be the first people to support you and your cause unconditionally. And it is what friends are for! If they turn against you, discourage you or do not support the independence of your thoughts, there is no point in retaining them.
Independence of thoughts is your basic right, and if someone is influencing you in a manner that you feel belittled or discouraged and compromises your autonomy, you are in the wrong company.ย
Retaining the independence of your thoughts in any relationship is in fact, one of the most important things in a relationship to seek out for.ย
3. Not to be held responsible for othersโ happiness
You are responsible for your own happiness, and you canโt deny that. So, why do people start holding you responsible for their happiness? I have been through this crap a number of times. I was made to believe that I was the one who could keep them happy and that I should be doing things to keep their happiness intact. Like really? I took some time to fix this, but I did it. I was guilt trapped, emotionally blackmailed and whatnot, but I broke this myth. I proved it to them if I could choose my happiness by unfriending them, they could too!ย
When people start holding you responsible for their happiness, it is a breach of an unsaid contract. You should make sure to demand from everyone that they choose their own happiness and not make you accountable for every single smile they take. Demanding not to hold you responsible for their happiness will be frowned upon, but will liberate you of all the guilt and pressure. And is one of the most important things to demand from all the relationships you have.ย
Read Also:ย Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy!
4. Personal space and privacy
You deserve your personal space and privacy, and there should be no confusion about it. It is perfectly okay to seek your me-time and privacy and be respected for the same.ย
I believe that everyone has three dimensions to their lives- a public life, a personal life and a private life. The public life is the social life that you share with a larger set of people. Your personal life is the familial life that you only share with your family, close friends, spouse or special someone. But have you heard of private life? Even if you have not heard about it or thought about it, it exists! It is the life that you share with yourself, and do not want anyone to barge in it. It is pretty fair if you enjoy doing certain things alone and do not share them with anyone else. For example, I knowย the importance of me-time. I love to enjoy my me-time as a daily habit and not share it with anyone else. It is my private life, and I do not like it if someone repeatedly barges into that space.ย
So, your personal space and privacy is your fundamental right. Only you alone should decide if you want to let people in and to what extent. The people who barge in this space often and who do not want to be cognisant about it, despite your repeated warnings, are the ones you should let go of.ย
There should be no shame in demanding your personal space and privacy from all the relationships you have, and it is indeed one of the most important things in a relationship that you should be asking of.ย
5. Consistency
No one likes inconsistent behaviour. In fact, it is a form of emotional abuse as the inconsistent person keeps you confused, and prevents you from moving on in life. As a result, you always remain unclear about what is going to come next, and it eventually frustrates you. It all leads resentment to seep in easily. And when you become resentful and angry, your peace of mind is the first thing to go.ย
I have dealt with a few inconsistent people in my life, and it was never a good relationship to be in! I was never sure of what is going to come next and kept myself hanging between to be or not to be kind of situation. I was always confused about where I stood in their lives and should I even continue my patronage with them. Ultimately, it all made me bitter.ย
One day I was their world, and the next, I did not even exist for them.ย
When I examined it closely, there was a kind of pattern that emerged out of all the inconsistent people I was surrounded with. All the inconsistent people had their own agenda. And whatever the agenda was the outcome was all the same for me- I was devoid of my happiness and peace of mind. And top of that there was a huge opportunity cost I had to pay by being with inconsistent people- that of not committing to better people who were not only consistent but also predictable.ย
I posed a few questions to myself: can I trust someone who is so inconsistent in their behaviour? Will that person be there when I will need them the most? I was not sure of the answers to the above questions. And it gave me my answers.ย
If you canโt be consistent, you are not worth your commitment.ย
I realised that they were never available when I needed them. And they were so inconsistent that I was not sure where to fit them in my life anymore. So I let them go. I appreciate predictability, andย inconsistency in relationshipsย is a deal-breaker for me.ย
Yes, you got it right! It is your right to seek stability, predictability, and consistency in all relationships you have. And if you are demanding the other person to be consistent, you are doing the best thing you can do for yourself and for your well-being. Consistency in relationships is your right and is one of the most important things in a relationship to demand.ย
Ask for it unapologetically!ย
What are the 3 most important things in love?
Like any other relationship, love relationships also have a few unsaid rules that you should always abide by. These three rules in love relationships are- respect, commitment and consistency. Yes, these are the most basic three things that you should demand from your love relationship without any hitch. These things are the three most important things in love as when they go missing, it can shake the entire foundation on which your relationship stands. Demanding respect, commitment and consistency in your love relationship is your right and are the three most important things in love that you can ask for!ย
Are there more things that you think are the most important things in a relationship that you should demand from every single one of them? Please mention that same in the comments section below. We would love to hear your thoughts.
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