35 Signs Your Husband is in the Closet (+ Video & Quiz)

TL;DR

34 Signs Your Husband is the Closet and Maybe Gay

These are the probable signs your husband is in the closet:

If you want to know more, take this quiz to determine if your husband is gay 👉 “Is my husband gay quiz.”

It’s not unusual for women to be married for a long time and still feel unhappy, unfulfilled, and undesired. Many women often wonder if something is “off” in their marriage. But what is it that makes them feel this way?

Some women sense it right that their husbands might be gay, while others miss the signs or ignore them and continue their lives as it has been. 

Could it be that their husband is hiding in the closet? Or is it something else?

If you feel that something is off in your marriage, there could be reasons attributable to the situation you are in. However, one of the very strong reasons could also be that your husband is gay and is in the closet.

The global closet is enormous. The Ipsos LGBT+ Pride 2023 survey found that, on average, 9% of adults in 30 countries identified as LGBT+. So, it is quite possible that your husband is in the closet and may come out as gay.

Women are powerful when it comes to their intuition. So, if you are a woman and reading this, you’re probably right in guessing that your husband is gay and hiding in the closet.

So, let’s look at the signs your husband is in the closet and might be gay.

Signs your husband is in the closet

Here are the signs your husband is in the closet and is homosexual, gay, or bi:

He tells you that he is gay

Has your husband come right out and told you he is attracted to other men? You may have laughed it off, but he might be being honest.

If you can relate to this, it is time to have another conversation with your husband and ask him upfront.

He is sexually not into you

Gay men are not sexually into women for obvious reasons. Ask yourself if your husband is passionate about making love, fulfils your erotic desires, goes down on you, makes you feel like a woman, initiates sex, and can satisfy you. Or does he lose interest in the bedroom, and you feel more like roommates than husband and wife?

Commonly, men have high sexual urges, and they are the ones who are more vocal about being physically intimate.

Ask yourself, since day one of your marriage, who initiates the sex more often, who craves for it more, and who among you both is more than okay with no sex? Is it you or your husband?

I bet if you are reading this, you are the one who feels more sexually driven, dissatisfied, and unfulfilled in your marriage.

So, if you think your husband is not aroused by seeing you, fakes orgasm, or uses performance enhancers, it is not a good sign. To top it up, if you feel that he is mechanical in his performance and is in a different mental zone while making out, he is faking his sexual orientation.

There is nothing wrong with your sex drive. In fact, your husband may have more appetite for having sex than you, unfortunately, with other men.

If such is the case, you have a husband who is homosexual.

Not being sexually attracted to someone of the opposite gender is one the strongest signs your husband is in the closet

He is emotionally detached

If you think your husband is emotionally distant, detached, or not emotionally into you, it could be a sign that he is emotionally attached somewhere else. Does he seem emotionally cold, withdrawn, secretive, and keeps you at arm’s length? 

There are many reasons a man can act and behave this way, but if you can correlate this with other signs of him being in the closet, he is gay! 

Ask yourself: Do you feel like his wife or just a friend? Do you get emotional highs from being with him? And do you think he is more emotionally attached to his male friend, whom you secretly despise for being closer to your husband than you?

If you think he is not emotionally detached from you and add to this, you feel your sexual life sucks; he is probably gay!

He is emotionally inconsistent

Gay men often marry women due to societal pressures. Some gay men marry women, hoping to change themselves because they believe marrying a woman will make them straight. In contrast, others marry women because they cannot find a suitable male partner ready to commit.

No matter what the circumstances were, when they marry a woman, they try to find happiness in their marriage but to no avail. As a result, they feel trapped and unfulfilled. They might also feel guilty about marrying you and spoiling your life. They may blame themselves for failing their marriage. So, they display extreme mood swings and unexplained, inconsistent behaviour.

So, when they are happy and guilt-free, they care for you, get romantic, take you out, and make you feel special. However, when they feel dissatisfied, trapped, and guilty and can’t take this marriage anymore, they may come across as ruthless, cold, irrational, and distant. You may find them coming home late, hanging out with other men, travelling often, and spending longer hours at work. Sometimes, you may find that their absence is unexplained.

This may confuse you about who they really are. So, if this is the case and you feel your husband exhibits emotional inconsistency, it is one of the signs your husband is in the closet.

He justifies the lack of sex

Do you think you find it hard to arouse your husband, and do you always initiate sex? Does he lose interest in the bedroom? Have you both drifted into a sexless marriage? Do you feel you both live more like roommates than husband and wife?

Maybe he tries to point out that many marriages become routine, boring, and sexless, and that it is normal for him to have less sex as he doesn’t have a high sexual drive. But you have caught him jacking off more often. 

Also, it can be true that many people have less sex drive in some cases. But if you feel he has no medical condition and there is no reason for his decreased performance and drive, he may be a gay man.

He uses performance enhancers

Have you caught your husband using some performance enhancers to stimulate himself while having sex with you? If that’s the case, either he has some medical condition, or worse, is he gay?

He has unusual sexual preferences

For your gay husband to enjoy sex, has he asked you to do something kinky, such as stimulating his prostrate by using a dildo or anything else that seems out of the norm for you? Do you think his kinks are way beyond your cognition? Has he ever suggested inviting another man to be part of the show? 

If this is the case, your husband is apparently hiding in the closet.

He is not jealous

Men get jealous when other men approach their wives. Every man gets bouts of possessiveness and insecurity when his wife spends much time with other men. But this is different for you. Right?

Your husband is not possessive about you, doesn’t get jealous when other men approach you, is more than okay with you hanging out with other males, and gives an understandable reaction when you tell him how men hit on you in the gym or office. But you have seen him get insecure and possessive of his special male friend instead.

If this is the case, your husband is in the closet and is gay. He feels all the emotions of jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity—not for you, but for the same gender, for sure.

He often says he is trapped

Do you think your husband feels trapped in the marriage but can’t put words to his feelings and explain why he feels so? If yes, he may be pretending to be attracted to women, as he can’t be his authentic self. Plus, if you think he feels more normal and comfortable in the company of men, it is a probable sign that you have a homosexual husband.

He befriends a lot of new males

Do you wonder if your husband has an endless list of new male friends? You find it uncomprehending to see his old male friends suddenly disappear while new men keep coming into his life. You also don’t understand why all his male friends are either young, from different walks of life, or handsome. What is more surprising is that you never know when, how, and where they met, and your husband doesn’t openly discuss them.

So, if you see him often hanging out with new, handsome, young, and attractive men and there is no common connection between them, be concerned. They are not his friends, but dates.

He loves spending time with one special male friend

Men generally prefer to hang out in social settings, in groups, have beer, and watch football. If your man prefers the company of one special male friend alone, spends too much time with him, and you feel he is more inclined towards his male friends than you, it could be a sign that he is gay.

Trust your instinct. If you think his intimacy with his special male friend is not normal, and it is the intimacy you deserve, he is a gay man.

He travels a lot, and his absence is unexplained

Do you think your husband travels a lot for business or is mostly away from home travelling with his male friends? Can you reach out to him or contact him in the evenings or nights when he should be in his hotel room? 

If you can’t trace his whereabouts, find out where he’s been, and what he’s been doing, and you think he’s hiding something or that something secret is going on, and his answers don’t make sense, he probably has some gay activities going on behind your back.

Maybe he is more comfortable being gay in another city with other gay men!

His behaviour is secretive

Do you think your spouse is secretive about his social circle and whereabouts and is very sensitive about his phone or laptop? If yes, it is a sign he is hiding something.

Secretive behaviour is something you should be aware of.

He has gay friends

A gay man has many gay friends. If your husband is gay, he would have gay friends for obvious reasons. He might justify himself as a man who doesn’t judge other people based on their sexual orientation. But if you think he only has gay friends and prefers to hang out mostly with gay men, party with them, and travel with them, it is not normal for a typical straight man.

Also, gay men have a lot of fag-hags. If you think your husband is friends with many girls who are very comfortable around him, it can be a sign that girls trust him and confide in him, as he is gay and harmless.

If such is the case, he is most probably hiding his sexuality under the garb of embracing diversity.

He has a gay past

Did you ever discover that your husband has experienced same-sex encounters in the past? Was there a point when your husband was bisexual or encountered some gay experience with other men? He could have justified the same by saying he was young and horny or had done it all while drunk. 

Though those encounters could have been stopped after your marriage, it doesn’t mean your husband is not thinking about experiencing it again. So, if he has a gay past, it is one of the strong signs your husband is in the closet and might shock you soon.

He is bisexual

Has your husband ever told you that he is bisexual and has slept with other men and women before? Or did you accidentally discover his bisexual past?

If your man has slept with another man before, the chances are he is also doing the same after your marriage.

He might deny it, saying it was the heat of the moment or that he did it under the influence of alcohol. But if this is the case, he is definitely attracted to men and is hiding in the closet.

He is attracted to the same-sex

Has your husband given you hints that he is attracted to other men and that he is open to inviting other men to spice up your sex life? Do you think he stares at other men, watches shows featuring naked and steamy male models, and follows unknown handsome men on Instagram or social media to the point that you feel he is also attracted to men?

If you think he shows more than obvious interest in other men, spends a lot of time at the gym with other men, and his attraction reflects in his real life, trust your instinct: your spouse is gay!

He goes to gay clubs

If your husband has gay friends, it might be the case that he visits gay bars under the pretext of supporting them. While this is normal to some extent, and there is nothing wrong with going to gay bars to support the gay community, if this is happening a lot, something is really wrong.

Having gay friends and hanging out in gay bars is not what straight men do all the time. You better keep an eye on him, as he might be a homosexual man.

He checks out and gazes at other men

There is nothing wrong with checking other people out. But if your husband often ogles at other men and you sense that something is not right with his stare, it is a matter of concern. How do you feel when he checks out other men? Do you sense lust, attraction, or a different vibe when he sees them? 

On the contrary, does he give a bland reaction when a hot woman passes by? While it is a matter of pride when your man doesn’t check out the hottest women around, not paying heed to the sexiest woman is slightly odd. Isn’t it?

So, if such is the case, it is not about his loyalty but his sexuality.

If you have often spotted your husband gazing at other handsome men, but you find it a little odd that he doesn’t pay any attention to you or other women around, it is a solid sign your husband is queer and is hiding in the closet.

He flirts with other men

Have you ever noticed that your husband flirts with other men, pays them extra attention, and makes eye contact with other men, which you sense is beyond normal? If such is the case, you should be worried, as it might be a sign that he is naturally attracted to men and might be in the closet.

He is obsessed with gays

If you think your husband is too gay-focused, has gay friends, goes to gay bars, supports the queer community, watches gay movies, and is too much into the gay scene, it indicates that he is gay himself and hiding in the closet.

He is overly affectionate with other men

Have you ever noticed how your husband behaves in social settings and around attractive men? If he is gay, he might actively seek other men’s attention, be lovey and touchy, hug, or even flirt with them. He might be very vocal about how other men look and freely give them compliments.

Another thing to note is that he might brag about being hit or asked out by other men.

If such is the case, your husband is overly affectionate with other men, which is a clear sign your husband is in the closet.

He spends a lot of time at the gym

Gay men love vanity. They want to look perfect and have a perfect body. They train hard, train their booty, and wear skimpy clothes to flaunt every inch of their body.

This is how gays are wired. In the gay community, men with good physiques never grow out of demand. So, gay men spend a lot of time in the gym. Most gay men flock to gyms to meet other gay men, socialize, spend time in the steam room, sauna, shower, and whatnot. The gym is their gay heaven.

If your man is spending a lot of time in the gym, he is probably not training for you but preparing for his next hook-up with other men out there. And it is one of the potent signs your husband is in the closet.

He is full of unexplained vanity

There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Some vanity is fair. Men do take care of themselves. 

But if your husband goes the extra mile with his vanity fetish, spends a lot of time grooming, shaves every inch of his body and bunghole (and doesn’t let you touch it), spends a lot of time in the gym, sauna, and massages, he is grooming himself for other men. 

He is effeminate and loves to cross-dress

There is nothing wrong with being effeminate and cross-dressing as a man occasionally. Many men do that! But if you think it is how your husband wants to live or prefers to be, and it is bothering you, it is a matter of grave concern. After all, you married a man to spend your life with and expect him to behave and act like a man.

Many gay men (not all) love to cross-dress to express themselves and are effeminate. If your husband is more girly than you, it is a strong sign that your husband is in the closet.

He watches and enjoys gay porn

Straight men generally do not watch gay porn. Even if they do, they do it once or twice out of curiosity. But if you think your husband prefers gay porn, and if you accidentally stumble upon your husband’s online browsing history full of gay pornography, it is a clear sign that your husband is gay.

An interest in gay pornography may suggest that he is exploring or coming to terms with his own homosexuality. 

He uses gay dating apps 

Have you ever noticed your husband uses any gay dating apps, such as Grindr, on his phone? And then you see those apps deleted? Ask yourself why a straight man wants to use gay dating apps in the first place. The answer is obvious: to hook up with other men. 

He is on gay dating sites

Have you ever spotted your husband on a gay dating site by chance? When you confronted them, your husband would have laughed it off, saying some might be impersonating him, and it is quite common for people to do so on dating sites. 

But most of the time, things are not as simple as they are projected to be. If you somehow think your husband is on gay dating sites, you should be asking a number of questions. The first one is why your husband is on a gay dating site while married to a woman. 

Being on gay dating sites and apps is one of the most evident signs your husband is in the closet. 

He doesn’t let you touch his phone or computer

Why would your spouse not let you touch his phone or check his computer? Is he hiding something that he doesn’t want you to discover?

If your husband is very sensitive about his mobile and laptop and gets anxious when you use his electronic devices, something suspicious is going on. So, if you think this is the case, along with the signs of a gay husband, as mentioned in the post, your husband is hiding in the closet.

He conceals his online browsing history

If your husband is secretive about his online activities, deletes his browsing history, and you always find his phone and laptop clean, it clearly indicates he is searching and watching things online that you don’t want to know. 

If this is the case, it could indicate that he’s hiding something, and that something has to do with his sexual orientation and preferences. A lack of internet browsing and concealing online history indicates that your husband is secretly gay.

He has suspicious social media behaviour

Everyone is on social media. But if you think your husband follows a lot of gay men, handsome boys, or gay couples on social media platforms, spends a lot of time on social media, direct-messaging strangers, and deletes his messages, he is onto something. 

One thing to notice is that if he is following or being followed by a lot of unknown and different men, actively engages with them, and has many unknown social media contacts, he is, in all probability, hiding in the closet. 

He gets uncomfortable around gay topics

A person would get uncomfortable around gay topics in two scenarios: either he is gay himself and risks being discovered, or he doesn’t relate to homosexuality at all. 

If you are reading this, you already have a hunch that your husband is gay. And if your husband gets uncomfortable around gay topics, gets nervous, displays anxious behaviour, or avoids anything like this, he is probably gay himself. This is because he fears he might be caught or has not accepted himself as a homosexual. So, watch out for his behaviour when you discuss gay topics, as it is a tell-tale sign that your husband is secretly gay. 

He is a homophobe

If your husband displays extreme homophobic behaviour towards queer or LGBTTQQIAAP people or other gay men, he might be secretly gay himself. In some cases, research has suggested that individuals who exhibit strong homophobia may have repressed or hidden homosexual feelings themselves, and therefore, they exhibit extreme homophobia. 

Displaying extreme homophobic behaviour can sometimes be a way for individuals to deflect suspicion about their own sexual orientation. 

So, do you think your husband is genuinely opposed to the LGBTQ community and doesn’t subscribe to their thoughts, or is he himself secretly gay? 

You can’t rule out this possibility. 

He shows anger toward LGBTQ+ topics

If your husband becomes excessively defensive or angry when confronted with LGBTQ+ topics or individuals, it could be a sign of internalized conflict about his own sexual orientation.

He is overcompensating for sex

If your husband is in the closet, you may find him overcompensating for sex. A husband who is trying to suppress or deny his true feelings may overcompensate by maintaining regular sexual activity within the marriage. This can be the result of:

• Denial: Your husband might attempt to deny or repress his same-sex attractions by engaging in heterosexual activities with you.
• Societal expectations: Social or cultural expectations for married couples to maintain regular sexual relations can lead to overcompensation, even if it doesn’t align with their true desires. And your husband might be doing the same.
• Maintaining appearances: The fear of judgment or societal pressure can cause your husband to engage in sexual activity to maintain the appearance of a typical heterosexual marriage, even when his inner feelings may be conflicting.

So, these are the signs that hint that your husband is in the closet and is secretly gay. 

However, the biggest sign is your instinct. 

If your intuition firmly says your husband is homosexual, refer to these signs and find concrete evidence before confronting him.

Okay! Your husband is in the closet and gay. 

So what can you do about it? 

How can you deal with a gay husband? 

Should you confront him, get a divorce, and move on? Or should you fix him? 

Why did he marry you and spoil your life in the first place?

Don’t fret. Read the following articles and get your answers! 

My husband is gay. What do I do now?

Why do gay men marry women?

If you like the post: Signs your husband is in the closet, share it with someone who needs to know this. 

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